


Private Emotions

by mrpicard



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Drama, F/M, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-07
Updated: 2014-03-28
Packaged: 2018-01-14 22:26:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 30,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1281046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrpicard/pseuds/mrpicard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story is set in one of the alternate universes that we saw in the episode "Parallels". It tells the story of how this particular universe at which we only got a glimpse unfolded - why Riker appears to be somewhat hostile towards Worf, why Alyssa Ogawa is the Chief Medical Officer, how Worf and Troi ended up together, why Data has blue eyes and how the Federation ended up being at war with the Cardassians.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the revised AND expanded version. The original version of this story was NC-17 (or MA) rated. I tuned it down so that it fit into the required R rating for a Star Trek message board. I have, however, now decided to restore its original rating and scenes.
> 
> Furthermore, this is mostly a SLASH story. Its major pairing is Picard/Riker - if you don't like slash, don't read.

  
Commander William T. Riker sat up in his rather luxurious bed and looked out of the window of his huge cabin. From up here, the old Bandi city below looked like some sort of model. It was absolutely magnificent - and yet he wasn't in the mood for enjoying the view. He had just returned from a rather odd meeting with Groppler Zorn, the administrator of Farpoint Station, where Riker had been ordered to stay in order to wait for the arrival of the **USS Enterprise** , the ship on which he'd be serving as first officer from now on.  
  
He had heard a lot about the **Enterprise** , of course. Yet it wasn't the ship or its reputation that made him anxious, it was the commanding officer, Jean-Luc Picard. Riker had heard a lot about _him_ , too, and most of it had not exactly sounded very flattering. Sure, the man was brilliant, an accomplished diplomat and one of the finest Starfleet officers ever; he would not command the flagship it it were otherwise. His service record or his methods were not in question.  
  
What _was_ in question was his personality.  
  
Various sources had described him to Riker as 'extremely grumpy' and 'not exactly the most social person ever'. According to these sources, Picard never attended any sort of social gatherings unless they served a diplomatic purpose, and even then he always left at the first opportunity.  
  
Furthermore, Picard was apparently not married or attached to anyone else in any way. There were somewhat vague rumors about him having been involved with a few men and a few women here and there in the past, but that seemed to be all. No one knew anything more specific, so, Riker had quickly given up trying to investigate this particular matter any further - it was none of his business anyway.  
  
He got up from his bed and was just about to reach for the bowl of fruit on the table when the door chimed.  
  
"Come in!"  
  
The door opened and Dr. Beverly Crusher, the new CMO of the **Enterprise** , stepped in. "Hello, Will."  
  
Riker smiled at her, once again surprised at how quickly the two of them had become friends. "Hello, Doctor."  
  
"This Farpoint Station is incredible," she said excitedly. "I just finished a long shopping tour - and I still haven't seen even _half_ of what they offer here!"  
  
"Yes, it really _is_ beautiful." Riker took an apple from the bowl and began to pace. "In fact, I think it's a little _too_ good to be true. I just came back from Groppler Zorn's office. He had a bowl filled with all kinds of fruits, but when I asked for a pear, there were none. However, a few seconds later there was a _whole bowl_ filled with pears on Zorn's desk. I know this sounds strange, but -"  
  
"Maybe you'd simply overlooked it," Crusher replied. "By the way, Wesley loves it here as well. I'd actually ask him if he would like us to stay here if I didn't know that we'll soon be aboard the **Enterprise**. Speaking of which - where is she?"  
  
"I don't know. I heard she's been delayed. I'm sure she'll arrive soon."  
  
"Commander Riker?" Geordi LaForge, the **Enterprise** 's new navigator, appeared in the doorway. "The **Enterprise** has just arrived - without the saucer section."  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"I have no idea. Captain Picard's asked to see you right away, sir."  
  
"Very well. I'll beam up immediately." He tapped his communicator. "Riker to **Enterprise**. One to beam up."  
  


 

**********

  
  
  
Jean-Luc Picard sat in his command chair on the battle bridge of the **Enterprise** , rubbed his chin and thought of what had happened right after the **Enterprise** had left starbase: An omnipotent lifeform that called himself Q had seized his vessel, kidnapped him and three other members of his new crew and had put them on trial for 'the crimes of humanity'. Q had only let them go because Picard had made a rather hasty and improvised suggestion about Q having to test first if his accusations were actually true.  
  
Q had been very pleased and had immediately declared that Farpoint Station, the **Enterprise** 's destination, would be perfect for this test.  
  
Picard had not liked the sound of this _at all_.  
  
And, to make things even worse, this Q seemed to be strangely... well, _interested_ in him, which was -  
  
In that moment, the turbolift door opened and Picard turned his head slightly in order to see who had stepped onto the bridge - and what he saw almost made him lose the composed look on his face. His chief of security, Tasha Yar, had just ushered an officer out of the turbolift - a young commander with the most beautiful blue eyes Picard had ever seen. The captain inhaled sharply and was very relieved that Deanna Troi, his empathic counselor, was not on the bridge right now.  
  
"First officer Commander William T. Riker reporting for duty sir," the man said.  
  
Picard pulled himself together and stood up. "At ease, Commander. Lieutenant Yar will provide you with the necessary information as to why we have arrived without the saucer section."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
"I'll be in my ready room." Picard walked past the young commander and only hoped that no one had noticed how much this William T. Riker had thrown him off-balance. Sure, he had seen the man's picture in his personnel file, but it had absolutely not done any justice to what he really looked like.  
  
' _This has to stop here and now. I will **never** again allow myself to develop feelings for an officer under my command. I will give him no special treatment whatsoever._ '  
  


 

**********

  
  
  
"Captain Picard _is_ a pain, isn't he?"  
  
Crusher looked at her son. "Wes, your father liked him very much. They served together on the **Stargazer**. They were friends - they even went on shore leave together from time to time."  
  
"How did you get to know the captain?"  
  
"Oh, that was because of your father. He knew him through someone called Walker Keel. Walker, Jean-Luc and your father were good friends."  
  
"You call him Jean-Luc?"  
  
"Sometimes, yes. In a way, we're old friends. And... he was the one who -"  
  
"Yes, I know," the boy said sadly. "He called us and told us about Dad's death."  
  
"It was a very painful day," Crusher muttered. "For all of us."  
  
"Why did you decide to serve aboard his ship?"  
  
"Because he needs a CMO and that's _exactly_ what I am. And the discussion's over now, young man. Go and get your belongings, we'll have to beam up soon."  
  
"I really want to see the bridge, Mom."  
  
"I doubt this will be possible, Wes."  
  
"Can't you talk to Captain Picard about this? Since you're old friends...?"  
  
Crusher sighed. "Alright, I'll see what I can do."  
  


 

**********

  
  
  
Riker's hands were trembling as he watched the final moments of the manual docking maneuver on the small viewscreen.  
  
"Manual docking complete," the computer announced and only now did the first officer notice that he had held his breath. He breathed out and then briefly shook his head - he still didn't understand why Picard had ordered him to put the **Enterprise** back together _manually_.  
  
"Quite impressive."  
  
Riker turned and saw his new captain standing in the doorway of his ready room.  
  
"I want to see you in the observation lounge in 30 minutes, Commander. We have a few things to discuss."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  


 

**********

  
  
  
Riker stepped into the observation lounge _precisely_ half an hour later. Picard was sitting at the far end of the large table, a cup in his hand. He did not look up as he took a long sip of whatever it was that was inside.  
  
Riker watched the faint light of the stars outside fall onto the man's face and could not help finding this particular view to be rather fascinating.  
  
' _Get rid of those thoughts, Will. Remember what happened all those years ago on the **Pegasus** when you allowed yourself to fall in love with your much older CO._ '  
  
He cleared his throat. "You wanted to see me, sir?"  
  
Picard still did not look up. "Yes, I did. I wanted to talk to you about your general attitude towards starship captains."  
  
"Sir...?"  
  
"I'm referring to incidents like the one when you refused to let Captain DeSoto beam down to Altair III."  
  
"I had a good reason for my actions, sir."  
  
"What reason would that be?"  
  
"In my opinion, sir, the situation down there was too dangerous to risk the captain's life."  
  
Picard took yet another sip. "Do you intend have the same opinion on board _this_ ship?"  
  
Riker decided to not let himself be intimidated by Picard's tone of voice. "Yes, sir. Your life is more important than anyone else's aboard this vessel. I will _not_ allow you to beam right into possibly hostile situations."  
  
"I see."  
  
The young commander had a hard time remaining perfectly still. That man sitting there at the far end of the table appeared to be nothing but cold and hostile. And yet, somehow, he was certain that the _real_ Picard was none of those things. Quite the contrary, the _real_ Picard was a tender and caring man who -  
  
Picard looked up and smiled.  
  
Riker stared at him for at least five seconds before he realized that he was gaping at his commanding officer. He quickly averted his gaze, even though all he wanted was to continue to look at that wonderful smile.  
  
"That's all I wanted to know. I appreciate your complete honesty. Welcome aboard the **Enterprise** , Commander Riker."  
  
"Th-thank you, sir."  
  


 

**********

  
  
  
Riker stepped onto the bridge, lost in thoughts that mostly dealt with a certain man and a certain smile - and almost slammed into a young woman in a blue uniform. He looked up in order to apologize - and froze.  
  
" _Deanna_?!"  
  
"Will?! _You_ are the new first officer?!"  
  
"Yes. And you?"  
  
"I'm the ship's counselor."  
  
He gaped at her. "Now _that_ 's really a big coincidence - after our last talk I really thought I'd never see you again."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "That's the problem with _all_ human males. You find so it difficult to separate love from friendship that, when a woman you were intimate with tells you that she simply wants to be your friend and nothing more, you either just vanish or you get angry."  
  
"I wasn't angry. And I didn't just vanish."  
  
She raised an eyebrow. "You were gone the next morning."  
  
He smiled sheepishly. "Alright... I guess I'm just not used to being dumped."  
  
"I didn't 'dump' you. I simply realized that the night we spent together would just be a one-time experience - and I told you that right away," Troi said.  
  
"I'd say that's a pretty accurate definition for 'dumping' someone, don't you think?"  
  
Troi chuckled.  
  


 

**********

  
  
  
Picard was sitting in his captain's chair, thinking about the strange talk that Riker, Troi and he had just had with Groppler Zorn. The man had appeared to be rather nervous and had even threatened to break off the talks between the Federation and the Bandi simply because he had not liked the rather intense questions Riker had directed at him. The fact that Troi had sensed strong emotions from somewhere on Farpoint Station had not been very helpful either; it had only added to the tension in Zorn's office.  
  
And besides, there was that certain pair of blue eyes that continued to invade Picard's thoughts.  
  
The turbolift door opened and Picard once again turned his head slightly - he knew it was foolish to look at everyone who came onto the bridge, but then, he _was_ new to this ship and it _was_ his prerogative to be a little paranoid.  
  
He no longer regretted his paranoia when he saw a young boy peeking out of the turbolift cabin.  
  
"What the devil...?!" He got out of his chair in order to tell the boy to leave _at once_ \- and froze when _she_ stepped out of the turbolift. He stared at her for a rather long moment and then, somehow, managed to find his voice again.  
  
"Doctor Crusher...?!"  
  
 _His_ wife. She had found out...!  
  
Or not?  
  
She didn't look very angry, on the contrary, she seemed to be in a good mood - and she was saying something about 'Wesley' and 'bridge'.  
  
"Wesley?" he echoed - just to make this horrible moment a little less awkward.  
  
"My son," she replied and smiled.  
  
Right, the boy - the reason why her late husband Jack had always hesitated to tell her that Picard and he had been more than just friends - _much_ more, in fact. And then it had been too late and Jack, his beloved Jack, had died right there in Picard's arms, just like that, without even giving Picard at least a small chance for saving him.  
  
He gritted his teeth. "Children are _not_ allowed on the bridge."  
  
"He's not on the bridge, he's in the turbolift!" Crusher smiled even more innocently.  
  
Picard clenched his hands into fists - he hated how her tone of voice mocked his authority. Old acquaintances or not - this had to stop _right_ here and _right_ now.  
  
"Make sure he _stays_ there, Doctor. I'm not about to change standing orders just because he is _your_ son."  
  
Her jaw dropped.  
  
"Proximity alert, Captain!"  
  
Picard looked once more her. "Unless there is something else, Doctor, I suggest you get back to sickbay. I have work to do here." He turned around and sat down in his chair. "What is it, Lieutenant Worf?"  
  
"There's an alien vessel out there, sir. It's more than twice as big as the **Enterprise** ," Worf, the young Klingon at OPs, said.  
  
Picard winced. "Get me Groppler Zorn. Fast."  
  


 

**********

  
  
  
"I'm sensing a presence," Troi said and stopped walking. She and Riker were in an underground tunnel that, according to Riker's tricorder, consisted of an entirely different material than the rest of Farpoint Station.  
  
"The same presence you sensed before in Groppler Zorn's office?"  
  
"No. It's different. This one is rather... angry." She shivered slightly.  
  
Riker grabbed her arm. "Are you alright?"  
  
"Yes, but - Will, we should get out of here. Now!"  
  


 

**********

  
  
  
"The ship is firing at the old Bandi city, Captain! And -"  
  
A flash of light interrupted whatever it was that Worf had been about to say.  
  
Q immediately walked up to Picard. "Destroy the ship," he said. "It's attacking your precious Farpoint Station!"  
  
"No, it's not," Picard replied, desperately trying to remain calm. "It must have a reason for targeting the old Bandi city rather than Farpoint Station. Perhaps there's something it needs."  
  
Q waved his hand. "It doesn't need _anything_!"  
  
The turbolift door opened and Riker and Troi stepped onto the bridge.  
  
"Captain, Groppler Zorn has been kidnapped," Riker said.  
  
"By whom?"  
  
"Troi thinks it was the ship out there. We should beam over."  
  
Picard shook his head. "I cannot authorize that. We don't know if that ship is hostile."  
  
"That's exactly why you should destroy it instead of _looking_ at it," Q chimed in.  
  
"You either shut up or get off my bridge!" Picard barked. "And since _you_ do not want us to beam over, I actually think that this is perhaps exactly what we _should_ do."  
  


 

**********

  
  
  
" _Captain, we've found Groppler Zorn. And I don't believe that this place here is just a ship._ "  
  
"Explain."  
  
" _It's an entity of some sort and it's very, very angry. I don't know why, but its feelings are very much like the ones I felt on Farpoint Station._ "  
  
Picard frowned. "Come back immediately and bring Groppler Zorn with you."  
  
" _Aye, sir._ "  
  
"Don't listen to her," Q said. "Destroy the ship!"  
  
"I won't," Picard replied. "I think I know what's going on here."  
  
"And what would that be?"  
  
"The reason why Troi senses similar emotions is because there is something this entity out there wants from Farpoint Station. Another entity with similar abilities. It's the only reasonable explanation for the strange incidents down there."  
  
The angry look on Q's face was proof enough for Picard that he was on the right track.  
  
The turbolift door opened and Riker, Troi and Zorn stepped onto the bridge.  
  
Picard didn't waste a second. "Counselor, is it possible that there is another alien life form down on Farpoint Station and that it's trapped somehow?"  
  
The young woman nodded. "Yes! Of course, that's it!"  
  
Picard glared at Q. "Leave us. We've passed your little test. We'll manage just fine without you from here on."  
  
Q raised his eyebrows and looked at Picard once more, this time from top to bottom.  
  
The captain shivered inwardly.  
  
"I only leave because it _suits_ me to leave. I'm sure we'll meet again, _mon capitaine_." He vanished in another flash of light.  
  


 

**********

  
  
  
_"I don't think we should be doing this," Picard whispered and tried to free himself from the rather tight embrace. The man who was holding him close was not about to let him go, however - quite the contrary: He took Picard's aleady hardening cock into his hand.  
  
"Your body seems to disagree what you just said," he remarked and began to kiss Picard's neck.  
  
"Jack, please," the captain of the **Stargazer** protested, but it was no use. He turned around in his lover's arms. "We both know this is wrong."  
  
"Yes, yes, yes," the young officer muttered. "You always say that."  
  
"You're **married** , Jack!"  
  
"Beverly isn't here right now, or is she?"  
  
He pulled Picard even closer - _  
  
  
The captain bolted up in his bed, his eyes wide open.  
  
He knew why he had had this particular dream again: It was all _her_ fault. He hadn't known that _she_ would be his new CMO - if he had, he'd _never_ have approved. He also knew that he would not be able to stay out of her way forever, and she would no doubt begin to ask questions if he continued to be so harsh towards her son. She thought she was a friend of his, after all; in her opinion, there was no reason whatsoever for him to be rude towards Wesley.  
  
' _She must never learn the truth about what happened between Jack and me. **Never**._ '


	2. Chapter 2

"Captain...?"  
  
Picard noticed the little drops of sweat on her forehead when she tried in vain to bring order to the chaos that was her long black hair.  
  
It only made her look even _more_ exotic.  
  
He cleared his throat and tried to ignore how hot he suddenly felt. "Yes, what is it, Counselor?"  
  
He was aware of the fact that this strange Psi 2000 virus was loose aboard the **Enterprise** \- and that _he_ was not immune, either. Until now he had managed to fight the inappropriate and naughty thoughts that were invading his mind, but now that Troi was here on the bridge, her hair all messed up and her cheeks flushed, fighting these thoughts was rapidly approaching a point where it became downright impossible.  
  
"I must talk to you right now, sir. In private," she said.  
  
He raised his arm and tried to ignore that it was trembling, just like the rest of his body. "In my ready room."  
  
They walked up to the door and Picard could not help but glance at her perfect buttocks.  
  
' _It's getting worse with each passing second. Perhaps we should **not** be alone right now..._ '  
  
It was too late, however - the ready room door had already closed behind the two of them.  
  
Troi turned around, looked into his eyes and then she quickly put her arms around him.  
  
"Counselor, what are you doing?" he gasped, but before he could say anything else her mouth had closed his. He groaned and returned the kiss she had initiated, unable to resist her soft and wet tongue.  
  
She continued the maddening kiss and put her hands on his ass in order to pull him even closer and suddenly his growing erection was pressed against her hot and trembling body.  
  
' _This is insane... this should not be happening..._ '  
  
Troi, sensing his doubts, briefly let go of him and pulled down her uniform. He stared mindlessly at her naked body (she had worn nothing underneath, and a small part of his mind registered the fact that she had _planned_ for all this to happen), unable to take his eyes away from the sight of her perfect breasts.  
  
She reached for the zipper of his uniform and he made one last futile effort to resist the intoxicating effects of the virus by taking one step back - but she simply followed him, pulled down the zipper and then both his uniform and his underwear.  
  
"I want you," she whispered and briefly squeezed his erection.  
  
Picard groaned hoarsely, the touch of her rather wet hand was almost too much to take. He kicked his uniform and underwear out of the way and shoved her towards the couch, and she, immediately realizing that he had given up any resistance, sat down and spread her legs invitingly.  
  
He quickly lost what little control he had had left.  
  


 

**********

  
  
  
"We need to talk about it, Captain."  
  
Picard winced.  
  
"I know you feel uncomfortable, but it still happened - and neither you nor I is to blame for it. The mutated Psi 2000 virus -"  
  
"I know, I know. I simply think we had _enough_ talks about this, Counselor."  
  
"I just find it necessary to remind you of the fact that we were under the influence of an alien virus. You still feel angry."  
  
He snorted. "You're damned right I do! Under normal circumstances I would _never_ -"  
  
"I'm aware of that. But then, remember, _I_ wanted it as much as _you_ did. You did not hurt me in any way - quite the contrary, in fact." She eyed him carefully. "You could definitely use some rest, sir."  
  


 

**********

  
  
  
Riker took a long look at the wonderful landscape in front of him. It was a true paradise - everything was green, there were lots of colorful and exotic plants and the air was as clean as air could be. But the most interesting thing about this planet were its inhabitants who called themselves the Edo.  
  
He grinned slightly when he remembered Yar's, Data's and his initial surprise when they had seen the Edo for the first time. They looked very similar to humans - but there was one big difference: They didn't seem to like too much clothing.  
  
And they had no problems whatsoever with being incredibly open-minded about sexual desires.  
  
Riker remembered how he had suddenly found himself right in front of a rather attractive woman who had reached out her hand and asked him if he'd like to come with her to "make love".  
  
' _I probably should have said yes._ '  
  
But he hadn't. He had said no quickly - way too quickly, the disappointed look on the woman's face had been the best evidence of that fact.  
  
"I assure you, it has _nothing_ to do with you," he had added, desperately trying not to cause a diplomatic incident.  
  
A man named Liator who seemed to be some sort of administrator had then walked up to them and had asked Riker if the woman's appearance did not please him.  
  
"No, that's not it," he had replied (even though blondes _really_ weren't his type), but he had also carefully avoided to tell Liator the _real_ reason why women in general did not interest him very much at this point.  
  
' _It's all **his** fault._ '  
  
He sighed softly and thought of the past few months aboard the **Enterprise**.  
  
He had gotten to know his commanding officer a little better by now and was sure that most of the rumors surrounding Picard were true and yet they also were _not_. Picard wasn't really grumpy at heart, he simply _pretended_ to be because he - for whatever reason - seemed to find it necessary to hide behind a shield of arrogant coldness.  
  
A soft noise interrupted Riker's thoughts. He turned and noticed two male Edo who had sat down below a nearby tree. They looked into each other's eyes - and then they kissed.  
  
At first Riker was too surprised to look away; he had not expected to see same-sex couples among the Edo. The sight did something else for him, however: It brought up a memory.  
  
  
 _"Come on, Will! You're one hell of a lot younger than I am! You should jump at the mere thought of more of this!"_  
  
 _"I've had enough. Besides, we have to go to the bridge."_  
  
 _"I'm the captain of this ship. If I choose to be late for my shift, no one will question it."_  
  
 _"But they **will** question **me**." Riker made a face. "They'll say Ensign Babyface didn't show up for his shift on time."_  
  
 _"That nickname will be with you for quite a while, Will. And you **do** have a babyface. Maybe you should consider growing a beard."_  
  
 _"A beard?!" The young ensign exclaimed, horrified. "I **hate** beards!"_  
  
 _Captain Erik Pressman winked and ran his hand over his young lover's hairy chest. "I think it would look good on you."_  
  
  
Riker shook his head slightly in order to get rid of this particular memory and then turned around in order to walk back to the Council Chamber.  
  


 

**********

  
  
  
Picard watched the planet on the viewscreen and rubbed his chin.  
  
' _I just hope it is safe down there._ '  
  
The turbolift door opened and Riker walked out onto the bridge, followed by the rest of his small away team. "Now _that_ planet is what I call lovely."  
  
Picard raised an eyebrow and looked at Yar. "Lieutenant?"  
  
"I agree with the commander, sir. I've just finished my report on their customs and traditions. Nothing unusual. They're friendly and _extremely_ open-minded."  
  
"Explain."  
  
"Well, sir, they have an unusual attitude towards pleasure in all forms. They seem to be very keen on... umm... physical encounters. If you get what I mean."  
  
Picard was unimpressed. "Surely there must be some negative aspects also...?"  
  
"No, Captain. We saw none. The planet is perfect for shore leave," Riker said, his blue eyes literally beaming at Picard.  
  
The captain quickly looked away. "I want a full evaluation before I grant shore leave for the entire crew. It strikes me as odd that everything about this planet seems to be so positive. Number One, you will beam down again with Lieutenant Worf and Lieutenant Yar before anyone else does. Learn as much as possible about the Edo."  
  
"There's one more thing, sir."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"They have requested we bring someone with us who can play with their children. They said it might be helpful since our ship has families aboard and they might want to enjoy recreation, too."  
  
Picard frowned - the idea of beaming down a _child_ did not appeal to him. He had been opposed to the idea of children aboard his starship in the first place, but Starfleet Command had overruled him on that particular issue. And yet, the Edo had asked for it. Who knew if they wouldn't take serious offense if he refused their request?  
  
"In the interest of diplomatic relations, I suggest you take young Wesley Crusher with you, Commander - and his mother as well as soon as it's convenient. Since she is the only senior officer with a child on board it will perhaps indeed be useful to hear her opinion."  
  


 

**********

  
  
  
Riker walked through the wonderful huge garden near the Council Chamber. His thoughts were once more with his captain. Picard had been extremely grumpy (even for _his_ standards) lately - and the way he looked at Troi whenever he thought no one would notice was yet another mystery.  
  
He stopped when he heard a rather loud and quite agitated voice. The Edo he had gotten to know so far had all been calm and peaceful, which most likely meant that something was _very_ wrong. He quickly walked into the direction from which the voice was coming.  
  
The first thing he saw was a group of Edo, two adults and a few children, standing in front of something that looked like a rather messed up flower bed. They were staring at something - or some _one_ \- on the ground.  
  
Riker walked up to them until he was able to hear what they were saying.  
  
"We're really very sorry, but we did what we had to do."  
  
"But he didn't understand! And his people won't understand either!" a young girl exclaimed and began to cry.  
  
Riker, who had now reached the small group, finally saw who it was down there on the ground. " _Wesley!_ " He pushed the two adult Edo aside and knelt down next to the boy in order to feel his pulse.  
  
There was none - and, from the way the boy looked, there would never be one again.  
  
"What happened?!" he croaked.  
  
"It is forbidden to disturb new plants," one of the adult Edo replied. "We had to punish him."  
  
"You _killed_ him because he messed up a _flower bed_?!" Riker stood up, his mind racing. He was just about to say something else when Worf and Yar came running up to them.  
  
"Oh my God!" Yar exclaimed. "Liator was right!"  
  
"Right about _what_?!" Riker demanded.  
  
"He mentioned a strange law to us," Worf replied calmly - a true Klingon warrior did not panic at the sight of death. "It seems this planet has randomly chosen punishment zones. No one knows where and when they begin or end. If someone commits a crime within one of those punishment zones, he or she is put to death immediately by so-called mediators."  
  
" _What_?!" Riker glared at Yar. "Why didn't you mention this law, Lieutenant?"  
  
"There was no record of this _anywhere_ , sir!" Yar exclaimed, a shocked look on her face. "I went through _every_ file they made available!"  
  
"This law is sacred," one of the mediators said. "We do not allow outsiders to look at it."  
  
Riker felt a wave of nausea. "This was an innocent young boy who fell into a flower bed, nothing more. This actually warrants _death_?!"  
  
"Yes," the other mediator replied. "And if this zone was still in effect, you would _all_ be put to death for your behavior. It is not allowed to question the mediators. The boy freely admitted that he was guilty. We had no choice but to act. Without this law, our society would be faced with chaos and destruction. No one wants to risk death, so, no one commits any crimes. It is the perfect solution. This law _has_ to be absolute, or it is no law at all. This may seem hard hard for you to understand, but -"  
  
" _Hard to understand_?" Riker cried. "You killed a _boy_! What are we supposed to tell his _mother_?"  
  
Yar cleared her throat. "Commander, we should beam back to the **Enterprise** and inform the captain about this incident."  
  
"Agreed." Riker was close to a nervous breakdown. "May we at least take the body with us?"  
  
"That is for Liator to decide. We'll have to keep the body for now," one of the mediators replied.  
  
"Will you ever come back?" the girl asked.  
  
"We don't know yet." Riker said briskly and then tapped his communicator. "Riker to **Enterprise**. Three to beam up."  
  


 

**********

  
  
  
Picard sat at his desk in his ready room and stared at the door. About five minutes ago he had dismissed Riker, Worf and Yar with orders not to reveal what had happened down on Rubicun III - yet.  
  
"I want to tell Dr. Crusher about her son in person," he had said and had seen the away team's relief about this; they had been worried about being ordered to tell the CMO that her son was dead.  
  
Picard rand his hands over his face and, for a moment, wished he had behaved differently back then when the boy had wanted to see the bridge. He had not seen him again ever since and his mother had also avoided him.  
  
Well, she wouldn't be able to avoid him any longer.  
  
He raised his hand and activated his communicator. "Picard to Dr. Crusher. Report to my ready room immediately."  
  


 

**********

  
  
  
"If I had been with him, _none_ of this would have happened!"  
  
"Beverly, their minds were set. Even if you had been with him, you could not have prevented them from punishing him," Picard said softly.  
  
"You don't understand! _You_ have never had any children!" Tears dropped down on her uniform, leaving dark blue spots on the fabric.  
  
"That's true - but I _do_ understand what it means if someone you send on an away mission does not come back, believe me."  
  
"Why was there no one with him?" she sobbed. "Why did Will just let him run off with these other kids?"  
  
"Because they asked Wesley to join them and there was no reason to decline their request."  
  
"Why did the away team take him with them in the first place? Why didn't they wait for _me_ to beam down as well? Why did _you_ authorize something like this?"  
  
Picard winced.  
  
' _I knew she would ask this sooner or later._ '  
  
"Because the Edo suggested it and I found it to be reasonable."  
  
"It's _not reasonable at all_ to beam a young boy down to planet filled with crazy sex maniacs! I _can't_ believe you allowed this to happen, Jean-Luc!"  
  
"Beverly -"  
  
She shook her head, stood up, turned around and ran out of the ready room.  
  
Picard took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair.  
  
' _This is the second time that an order I gave led to the death of a member of the Crusher family. I have brought nothing but pain and suffering to them._ '  
  
He knew this wasn't true, and yet he could not shake off the thought. He remembered that other incident with perfect clarity, the incident that had cost Jack Crusher his life.  
  
' _I ordered him to go and have a look at what's inside that building on that godforsaken planet. How the hell was I supposed to know the Gorn were hiding in there?_ '  
  
He remembered how he had caught Jack (that old devil had actually managed to somehow stagger back to the away team in order to report) and how he had held him in his arms for one last time. How Jack had looked at him and whispered, "I suggest you get the hell out of here" before he had died right there in Picard's arms.  
  
' _And now I've killed his only son._ '  
  
He buried his face in his hands.  
  
' _Forgive me, Jack._ '


	3. Chapter 3

"Beverly, are you absolutely sure about this?"  
  
"My decision is final. I can't stay on this ship."  
  
"I know it's hard to accept that the Edo didn't even let us have Wesley's body, but we had to consider -"  
  
"Spare me your Prime Directive speech," she snapped and stood up. "Just accept my resignation and drop me off at Starbase 74. Do me this one last favor, Jean-Luc. _Please_."  
  
Picard took the isolinear chip that she had put on his desk. "Very well. I regret your decision, of course, but it is understandable. I will inform Starfleet."  
  
Crusher nodded curtly, turned and left the room without saying another word.  
  
Picard watched the door close behind her and sighed deeply. He'd need a new CMO as soon as possible - but that was a rather small problem compared to what had happened on Rubicun III.  
  
He should _not_ have allowed Wesley to beam down.  
  
He should _not_ have been so harsh towards the boy when he had wanted to see the bridge, and he should have at least tried to be the friend Beverly had thought him to be.  
  
He should _not_ -  
  
The door chime interrupted his dark thoughts. "Come!"  
  
The door opened and he saw his first officer standing in the doorway. "Am I disturbing you, sir?"  
  
"No, not at all. Come in, Number One. " Picard forced himself not to smile - the mere _presence_ of the young commander always managed to make his mood a little brighter.  
  
Riker sat down on one of the chairs in front of Picard's desk. "I heard that Dr. Crusher will be leaving...?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You accepted her resignation just like that?"  
  
"I did."  
  
"You didn't try to convince her to stay?"  
  
"No."  
  
"It'll be hard to find a replacement. She's one of the best doctors in the fleet. I remember how she managed to find a cure for that mutated Psi 2000 virus. Or how she defeated that strange flu you had to deal with recently while I was trying to make some sense out of the mess on Angel One."  
  
Picard put the chip on his desk. "She thinks it necessary to leave because she finds herself unable to function aboard this ship. Everything reminds her of Wesley."  
  
Riker took a deep breath. "If I hadn't let him go with those Edo kids, none of this would have happened. It's all my fault."  
  
"No, it's not." Picard stood up and turned away. " _I_ am the captain of this ship. _I_ am responsible."  
  
"Yes, but _I_ led the away team," Riker insisted.  
  
"It won't do us _any_ good to argue about which one of us is to blame for Wesley's death," Picard said sharply.  
  
Riker winced. "No, sir. Of course not."  
  
The captain turned around. "Is Dr. Crusher's departure the reason why you came here?"  
  
"Not exactly, although it has to do with it."  
  
"Explain."  
  
"It's about our second encounter with Q. I _could_ have brought Wesley back to life while I had the power of the Q, you know. And yet I didn't do it." Riker ran his hand through his short hair. "Q had _really_ given me omnipotence. I could have ended Dr. Crusher's suffering right there."  
  
"But at what cost?" Picard asked softly. "Q had given you these powers because he wanted to study you in order to watch you eventually destroy yourself and others in the process. He knows that the human race is not ready for this. He just wanted to make another experiment. He wouldn't have allowed you to keep these powers - and what then? Wesley would have disappeared again and his mother would have had to live through all this a second time."  
  
Riker sighed. "You knew all this better than I did. I should have realized Q's intentions from the very beginning."  
  
"But you didn't - which only proves my point that we are _not_ able to handle such temptations."  
  
"You're right, of course."  
  
"I'm glad you came to your senses in the end, Number One."  
  
"Me, too. Thanks to you, sir."  
  
Picard once again had a hard time not to smile. These blue eyes...  
  
" _Data to Captain Picard. We have reached Starbase 74._ "  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
Riker strolled slowly through the almost empty corridors of the **Enterprise**. The ship had docked at the starbase about five hours ago, most of the crew had gone on shore leave and Dr. Crusher had left as well.  
  
It still pained him that the friendship he had built up with her had crumbled to dust after the incident on Rubicun III. He couldn't exactly blame her.  
  
"Hello, Commander..."  
  
"... Riker."  
  
He stopped walking, looked up and did only now realize that he was standing in front of one of the holodecks. Two Bynars were looking at him expectantly. He remembered seeing these peculiar little aliens right after the **Enterprise** had docked at the starbase. From what he had heard, they were supposed to re-fit some of the computer systems. They always worked in pairs - and _spoke_ in pairs, too.  
  
"Hello," he said.  
  
"Would you like to..."  
  
"... pay a visit to the holodeck?"  
  
"Why do you ask? Is there anything special in there?"  
  
"No, sir..."  
  
"... just our enhancements."  
  
"We thought you might want to..."  
  
"... try them out."  
  
Riker thought for a moment and then he nodded. "Why not - I have nothing else to do anyway."  
  
"Very well. Just..."  
  
"... a moment, Commander."  
  
The Bynars nodded at each other, turned towards the computer interface on the wall and began to rapidly talk to each other while they worked. Riker quickly gave up trying to decipher their immensely complex computer-based language.  
  
After about a minute the two of them turned around again.  
  
"You may now..."  
  
"... try the enhancements."  
  
"Alright." Riker walked up to the door. "Computer, a jazz bar. To be precise - Bourbon Street Bar, New Orleans, 1958."  
  
"Program complete," the female voice replied. "You may enter."  
  
The door opened and Riker froze, completely in awe because of what he was looking at. In front of him was a perfectly authentic jazz bar, complete with tables, chairs, even candles.  
  
And - the most important thing - a small stage.  
  
"Computer, a jazz band please. And a trombone for me."  
  
A jazz band appeared out of thin air, as did an additional microphone and a trombone. Riker nodded in appreciation and turned in order to tell the Bynars that he liked their 'enhancements' very much - but the little aliens were already gone.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
Picard closed the book that he had been trying to read - he was unable to concentrate anyway. The conversation he had had with Riker had made him once again think of what had happened when Q had shown up and had given Riker the power of the Q.  
  
The entity had mostly ignored Picard (not that he was unhappy about that!) - and yet he could not help but suspect that Q had wanted him to react to the fact that his attention had been focused on _Riker_ this time.  
  
The captain had indeed not liked it even _one bit_ how Q had constantly tried to put the young first officer out of his reach in order to brainwash him into really believing that he had been 'chosen' by the Q.  
  
And then there had been that little final scene on the bridge when Picard had finally managed to convince Riker that he was nothing but Q's latest experiment.  
  
"The truly evil part of all this, Captain, is your jealousy," Q had said - and had hit the nail right on the head.  
  
Picard clenched his hands into fists.  
  
' _I **must** stop thinking such things. He is my second-in-command, **nothing** more._ '  
  
And yet he could not deny the fact that he thought of Will Riker quite often, especially at night when he was alone in his bed and sleep refused to come.  
  
He switched off his lava lamp, stood up and walked out of his quarters.  
  
Maybe the holodeck would help him relax.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
Riker looked at the ceiling. "Computer, I need an audience."  
  
A rather large crowd appeared.  
  
"Whoa, way too many people."  
  
The computer complied immediately.  
  
 _One_ person remained.  
  
Riker opened his mouth in order to snap at the computer because of its downright annoying rationality - and forgot what he had been about to say when he saw _who_ had remained: The most beautiful woman he had ever seen was smiling at him. She had brown hair, dark eyes and was wearing a rather revealing red dress.  
  
"Hello," she said, her voice sultry and seductive, which only added to the sexual tension that was already radiating from her.  
  
But there was something else in her voice: A faint French accent. Riker froze - it _instantly_ reminded him of a certain someone he had developed more than just a few feelings for, and the magic spell that the woman had cast on him for a few seconds broke immediately.  
  
"My name is Minuet," she continued and smiled invitingly. Then she stood up, walked up to him and put her arms around him.  
  
Riker gently pushed her away.  
  
"What is it?" she asked, clearly confused.  
  
"I'm sorry," he rasped, feeling somewhat silly for apologizing to a _hologram_. "You're just not what I'm looking for." He looked up at the ceiling once more. "Computer, delete Minuet."  
  
She vanished.  
  
"Number One? I'm sorry, I didn't want to interrupt anything... but... the door was open..."  
  
The young commander whirled around.  
  
Was it really...?  
  
Yes, it _was_ him, right there, looking at him. Riker wasn't sure when exactly Picard had come in and he felt his cheeks reddening in embarrassment at the mere thought of Picard catching him with Minuet.  
  
"It's... it's okay... sir... come in," he croaked.  
  
"You picked a wonderful location," Picard said, walked in and looked around. "It's amazing what these Bynars can come up with when it comes to holodeck enhancements, isn't it?"  
  
"Yes, it is."  
  
Picard smiled faintly and then pointed at the bar. "Shall we?"  
  
Riker nodded and the two officers walked to the bar and sat down.  
  
Picard reached for the bottle of wine on the counter and took a quick look around. "The barkeeper seems to be busy elsewhere."  
  
"I deleted the audience _and_ the barkeeper, I'm afraid."  
  
"It's just as well - I am quite capable of opening a bottle of wine. I know a lot of things about wine, actually."  
  
"Really?" Riker could not believe his good fortune: He was sitting here with his captain and the man was actually in the mood to _talk_!  
  
"Yes, my father was a vintner. I grew up on a vineyard in France."  
  
Riker reached for the glass of wine that Picard had just poured him. "I never knew that. What was it like to grow up there?"  
  
"It was... not as pleasant as one might think," Picard replied, reached for his own glass of wine and took a sip.  
  
Riker took a sip as well and then put his glass down. He knew that the impenetrable dark wall that Picard had built up around himself was somewhat transparent at this moment, but he was also aware of the fact that one slight mistake would cause it to darken again.  
  
"I'm sorry, sir, I didn't want to ask such a personal question."  
  
"Oh it's alright. It's just that I have an older brother who - well, let's just say we didn't get along very well. We _still_ don't, actually. And my father and I weren't on the best of terms either."  
  
Riker forgot about being cautious; the similarity to his own life was too great. "I know what you mean, sir. I didn't have much luck with _my_ father either."  
  
Picard raised an eyebrow. "I never knew that."  
  
"We don't really talk to each other when we're off-duty. That's probably why we didn't know that we seem to have a few things in common."  
  
Picard took another sip of wine. "I simply don't find it necessary to socialize with my crew as much as other captains do. Too much familiarity might be disruptive in a crisis situation."  
  
"Yes, but you shouldn't hide inside your quarters all the time either."  
  
Picard glared at him. "I am _not_ hiding."  
  
Riker winced. "No, sir, of course not. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say -"  
  
The captain stood up from his chair. "I have to go now. Besides, this is _your_ simulation, not mine. I never should have intruded in the first place."  
  
"No, please - stay," the young commander begged.  
  
Picard looked directly into Riker's pleading blue eyes and felt his knees growing weak.  
  
' _Why does he have to look at me like that? Jack used the very same look when -_ '  
  
The thought of Jack was like a particularly cold shower.  
  
' _What am I doing here? It all begins like it did back then with Jack. This has to stop **here and now**._ '  
  
"I have to go," he repeated and walked out of the holodeck without looking back.  
  
Riker remained behind, more than just frustrated about himself and his stupid remark.  
  
He sighed and reached for the bottle of wine.  
  
Time to turn off the holodeck safeties and get drunk.


	4. Chapter 4

"Picard to sickbay."  
  
" _Sickbay here, Captain._ "  
  
"Has our new doctor already settled in? I wish to speak with her."  
  
" _Yes, sir. One moment, sir._ "  
  
Silence.  
  
" _Pulaski here, Captain. I'm sorry, I haven't had the time to come up to the bridge yet, but I will do so as soon as possible. We're having a few problems down here with one of our medical scanners._ "  
  
"I see. There's no rush. I just wanted to welcome you aboard."  
  
" _Thank you, sir. Pulaski out._ "  
  
Picard raised an eyebrow.  
  
' _Seems our new CMO puts her job before everything else. Commendable._ '  
  
He looked at the small panel on the armrest of his chair and checked the ship's status. The **Enterprise** was on her way to Velara III, a planet that was currently being terraformed by a group of scientists. Picard's orders were to simply have a look at their progress. He didn't expect any major problems, but still, terraformers **could** be quite a pain. It would be better to take yet another look at the Velara III files that Starfleet had sent him - just in case.  
  
He stood up from his chair. "You have the bridge, Mr. Data."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"The two of you did _what_?!"  
  
Riker gaped at the young woman sitting across the table and his hand in which he was holding a cup of coffee began to tremble.  
  
Troi averted her gaze. "I don't know if I should tell you about this. But even _I_ need to talk to someone from time to time."  
  
Riker somehow managed to put his cup down without spilling coffee all over the table. "You're kidding, right?"  
  
"Unfortunately not," she replied softly. "We were both under the influence of that mutated Psi 2000 virus. It was my fault - _I_ was the one who seduced _him_."  
  
" _That's_ why you've been avoiding me lately."  
  
"I avoided almost everyone, actually. My trip to Starbase G-6 was a good opportunity for me to think about all this. I decided that I needed to talk to someone about what happened. Although..." She broke off.  
  
"Although - what?" he asked nervously.  
  
" _You_ might not be the right person to talk to."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because you're in love with him."  
  
The young commander froze - but then he realized that the words did not even sound strange anymore. On the contrary, it felt _good_ to finally hear the truth from someone from whom he knew she wouldn't tell anyone, partly because she was bound to secrecy and partly because she was his best friend.  
  
"I guess there's no use in denying it, right?" he asked nervously.  
  
"No. I've known about your feelings towards Captain Picard for quite a while."  
  
"I'm glad you didn't say anything until now," he admitted. "It would have made me feel uncomfortable."  
  
"I assure you that it was just sex between the captain and me. Nothing more. It was the virus."  
  
"I know you wouldn't lie to me, Deanna. You don't have to apologize."  
  
"The captain feels much more uncomfortable about what happened than I do. He's avoiding me as much as possible."  
  
Riker took a deep breath. "I guess that settles a certain issue for me. He's obviously straight."  
  
"What makes you say that?"  
  
"He would have said no to you if he was gay. Not even a Psi 2000 virus can make one act against one's sexual preferences."  
  
Troi smiled slightly. "You forget about the very, very strong possibility of him being bisexual."  
  
"You mean he is bi?"  
  
She simply smiled at him.  
  
He smiled back - and then he sighed deeply. "This still won't make him fall madly in love with me."  
  
"I can't say anything about that - it would violate my pledge of secrecy. I've already violated it by giving you this hint about his sexual preferences. I am _not_ going to go any further."  
  
He put his hand on hers. "It's alright, Deanna. I wouldn't want you to spy on his emotions for me."  
  
She looked at him. "All I can tell you is that, with a man like the captain, one needs patience. A _lot_ of it."  
  
"Wonderful. Patience isn't exactly in my vocabulary," he muttered. "Guess I will have to include it from now on."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
Picard rubbed his forehead and watched a rather agitated scientist named Kurt Mandl pacing back and forth in front of his desk. The already tense situation with the Velara III terraformers was steadily increasing in intensity.  
  
Apparently, the men had found strange patterns in the sand, accompanied by what they described as 'randomly flashing lights'. Regulations demanded such incidents had to be reported immediately and all terraforming had to be put to a halt until the matter was investigated. However, the leading terraformer, the very man in front of Picard, had simply continued the terraforming process and had prevented his fellow scientists from sending a distress call.  
  
The appearance of the **Enterprise** and a nosy away team had disrupted his plans, of course.  
  
"Flashing sand is _not_ alive just because it's flashing!" Mandl barked and continued to pace.  
  
Picard remained perfectly calm - at least on the outside. "That is what _you_ think. _We_ are going to find out if it is alive or not, and if it is, you _will_ be held responsible for continuing the terraforming process on a world that actually possesses life."  
  
"That is ridiculous! It's _sand_ , for God's sake! It can't be alive! It's inorganic!"  
  
" _Pulaski to Picard._ "  
  
Picard tapped his communicator. "Picard here."  
  
" _You should come down to sickbay, Captain. I think I've found the answer to your questions._ "  
  
"We're on our way, Doctor."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
Pulaski was already waiting for them when they walked into sickbay.  
  
"Report," Picard barked.  
  
"It's alive, Captain. And it's inorganic."  
  
" _That_ is _not_ possible!" Mandl blurted out.  
  
Picard simply glared at him for a few seconds and then looked back at Pulaski. "What _is_ this thing, exactly?"  
  
"I can't say. But maybe _it_ can."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"It's trying to communicate with us."  
  
"What?" Picard stared at the tiny flashing light on the table.  
  
"Data has just told me that it's trying to establish a link with our universal translator," the physician said. "So far it's been unsuccessful, but it's only a matter of -"  
  
" _You_!" A loud voice suddenly came through the comm system. " _We demand... you... stop killing us_!"  
  
"Killing?" Picard echoed.  
  
" _You are... changing our... planet! You... kill us! You... must stop_!"  
  
Picard glared once more at Mandl. "I guarantee that the killing will stop immediately."  
  
" _Not... satisfactory. **You** are... not the one who killed many of us. We will... not believe **you**_."  
  
Mandl nervously cleared his throat. " _I_ am responsible for what happened. I am deeply sorry. I thought you were nothing but flashing sand."  
  
There was a rather long and tense silence before the reply came. " _And we thought you were nothing but ugly bags of mostly water_."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
Riker stifled a yawn and leaned back on Picard's couch in the ready room. The captain himself was sitting at his desk and was re-reading his final report to Starfleet.  
  
"Mandl had to promise them to never come back to their planet. In fact, they want nothing to do with _any_ of us," Picard said and put down the PADD.  
  
"That's regrettable, sir."  
  
"Well, if it hadn't been for your away team and your investigations, Number One, Mandl would have continued the terraforming process. He had already killed quite a few of the life forms - it would have been only natural had _they_ demanded for a few of _us_ to die in return. We should be grateful that this did not happen."  
  
"So you're saying it was better to leave while we still could?"  
  
"Yes." Picard looked at his first officer. "Rest assured, Mandl _will_ be held accountable for what he did. I doubt he'll ever be allowed to work as a terraformer again."  
  
"Dr. Pulaski was the one who discovered that our flashing guest was a life form, right?"  
  
"Indeed. Why do you ask?"  
  
"I was curious as to how she would perform her duties. After Dr. Crusher's hasty goodbye, I wasn't sure if Starfleet would send us a good replacement on such short notice."  
  
"They didn't."  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"Dr. Pulaski _applied_ for this job. I didn't even have to ask Starfleet. Her personnel file was on my desk the very minute Dr. Crusher left."  
  
"You think she knew Dr. Crusher would leave?"  
  
Picard nodded. "Yes. The two must know each other. It's possible that Dr. Crusher told her to apply because she felt Dr. Pulaski was the right person for this job. It seems she was correct."  
  
"She didn't even say goodbye to me. Dr. Crusher, I mean."  
  
"You were the one who led the away team. It's only natural for her to be angry with you."  
  
"Yes, but I considered her a friend."  
  
"We should be careful about who we consider a friend - especially when it comes to fellow officers."  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"A close friendship between two officers will sooner or later become a burden. I believe we've talked about this before, albeit rather briefly."  
  
"Yes, but with all due respect, sir, I disagree. I think friendships between officers can be very valuable. We're all in the same boat - so, why not make friends?"  
  
"Such friendships are bound to fail if one person has a higher rank than the other and makes a decision the other one disagrees with. Arguments become common and the command structure is reduced to nothing more than a paragraph in Starfleet's regulations."  
  
Riker gaped at him. "I think you're judging this _way_ too harshly, sir."  
  
"Trust me, Number One, it is better _not_ to be close friends or even... _intimate_ with someone aboard the same ship. You're dismissed."  
  
Riker, who could hardly believe what Picard had just told him, stood up, nodded absently and left the ready room.  
  
' _I'm sure he wasn't talking about his brief 'encounter' with Deanna. He was talking about falling in love with someone under his command - in a way that suggests that he experienced this once. Who was he talking about_?'  
  
He stepped into the turbolift, now more sure than ever that the Jean-Luc Picard he knew had not always been like this - he was apparently the result of a failed relationship with a fellow officer.  
  
A male or a female one?  
  
Did they still talk?  
  
Was he or she even aboard the **Enterprise**?  
  
Hell, no, better _not_ to think about this - the mere _thought_ of Picard being in love with someone else made him feel nauseous.  
  
And yet he decided to investigate this matter further.


	5. Chapter 5

" _The **USS Drake** vanished in the Lorenze Cluster a few days ago. Your orders are to investigate, Captain. Find out what happened to that ship. I expect a full report._ "  
  
"Understood, Admiral. Picard out."  
  
The little screen in front of him went dark.  
  
He tapped his communicator. "Picard to bridge."  
  
" _Data here, sir._ "  
  
"Set course for the Lorenze Cluster - warp 8."  
  
" _Aye, sir._ "  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
" _Hello?_ "  
  
"Miranda Vigo?"  
  
" _Yes? And who are **you**?_ "  
  
"I'm Commander William Riker of the **USS Enterprise**."  
  
The rather attractive brunette on the small screen raised an eyebrow. " _The **Enterprise**? Jean-Luc's ship?_ "  
  
Riker nodded. "I'm his first officer. Before we continue - may I ask you not to discuss this conversation with anyone?"  
  
She eyed him suspiciously. " _Why not?_ "  
  
"I can't tell you that," Riker lied. "Security reasons."  
  
" _Very well._ "  
  
"It's about your brother."  
  
" _My brother? What does he have to do with all this?_ "  
  
"Do you know where he is? I tried to find him, but I had no luck whatsoever."  
  
" _That's not surprising. He decided to leave Starfleet. He now lives in the mountains here on this planet. You know, the old-style way, no replicator, no holodeck - nothing, except for a small communicator for emergencies._ "  
  
"So you can contact him?"  
  
" _Yes, but only if it's important enough._ "  
  
Riker smiled his most charming smile. "It would help me a great deal if I could talk to him."  
  
She smiled back slightly. " _Alright. I'll see what I can do. Wait a second, okay?_ "  
  
"Take your time," Riker said, rubbed his sweaty hands and leaned back slightly.  
  
So far, so good.  
  
He had concluded that the **Enterprise** was not the source of the problem when it came to Picard's mysterious behavior - it had to be somewhere in the more distant past, which, in Picard's case, meant his former ship, the **USS Stargazer**.  
  
Riker didn't like it _at all_ that he had to speak directly to people instead of leaving messages (less opportunity to get caught in one's own web of lies), but he had tried everything else already in order to find out whether there had been an unusual incident involving Picard aboard the **Stargazer** or if there had been rumors about Picard dating a fellow officer. He had found nothing, not even in Philipa Louvois' logs of the court martial that Picard had had to face after he had lost the **Stargazer** in the Maxia Zeta System.  
  
What was most peculiar, however, was that there was no hint whatsoever even in Picard's _own_ personal **Stargazer** log entries - at least not in the ones Riker had managed to get his hands on through rather unofficial channels.  
  
It was one thing not to make a fuss out of a relationship with a fellow crewmember - but to go to such lengths to cover it up simply wasn't necessary, there were no rules that prohibited a captain from getting involved with an officer under his command.  
  
Riker, being thoroughly out of options at last, had decided to do one more thing: Speak to the former crew of the **Stargazer** directly.  
  
As it had turned out, most of them were still in Starfleet and served on ships that were outside of communications range. Riker had not given up, however, and had managed to find out that Vigo, the former weapons officer, lived on a planet near the system the **Enterprise** was currently passing through.  
  
Suddenly the screen in front of him changed and showed a message: ' _ **INCOMING TRANSMISSION: AUDIO ONLY**_ '  
  
Riker touched the screen.  
  
" _This is Vigo_ ," a rather grumpy voice said.  
  
"I'm Commander William Riker of the -"  
  
" _Yes I know, the **Enterprise**. What is it?_ " the man barked, clearly not in the mood for exchanging pleasantries.  
  
"I wanted to ask you a few questions about your time on the **Stargazer** ," Riker said.  
  
The direct way was always the best, right?  
  
" _What for?_ "  
  
So much for that...  
  
"I just need to know a little bit about how the crew and the captain got along."  
  
" _Why don't you ask **him**? Is this part of an official Starfleet security investigation or something?_ "  
  
"No, it's not. I'm just curious, and -"  
  
" _Commander, I have nothing to say to you that isn't in the official logs. I suggest you look at **them** before you contact me again. Vigo out._ "  
  
"But -"  
  
The screen went completely dark.  
  
Riker groaned and buried his head in his hands.  
  
Yet _another_ dead end.  
  
A soft beep made him look up.  
  
' _ **1 NEW TEXT MESSAGE**_ '  
  
He touched the screen.  
  
  
 _Commander Riker,  
  
I just overheard your conversation with my brother and I feel the need to apologize for his rude behavior. He was never one who liked to talk a lot. If you need someone who is willing to answer your questions about the old times aboard the **Stargazer** , find a man named Walker Keel. He's one of Jean-Luc's best friends. Rumor has it that they started out as lovers. He didn't serve aboard the **Stargazer** , but he still knew a great deal about what was going on there.  
  
Best wishes,  
Miranda Vigo_  
  
  
"Walker Keel?" Riker muttered - that name sounded familiar somehow...  
  
Then he remembered: Keel was the commanding officer of the **USS Horatio**. Riker grinned and began to type commands into the console in order to find out where the **Horatio** was.  
  
 _Discreetly_ , of course.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
" _This is Walker Keel. What can I do for you, Commander Riker?_ " The words came a little later than during normal conversations - the **Horatio** was almost outside of communications range.  
  
Riker leaned forward a bit and looked at the rather attractive gray-haired man on the small screen. "I know this is going to sound rather unusual, but Miranda Vigo told me to contact you. You see, I'm Captain Picard's first officer and I have trouble getting along with him. Miranda said you might help me find out a bit more about him."  
  
He had practiced this little speech thoroughly and was very proud of it.  
  
" _Yes, I know quite a few things,_ " Keel replied and eyed Riker carefully. " _I can see why you're having trouble with him. Jean-Luc's a very reserved man._ "  
  
"Has he always been like that?"  
  
" _Oh, no. I've known him for more than thirty years now. We met in a quite exotic gay bar on Tau Ceti III._ " Keel smiled a little sheepishly. " _If you know what kind of bar I mean. We were both there because we were looking for... let's call it an adventure._ "  
  
Riker gaped at him. "Are you serious?"  
  
" _Yes. Hard to imagine Jean-Luc willingly walking into something even remotely similar to a bar, right? He was actually quite easy to get along with. But then, after having taken command of the **Stargazer** , he slowly turned into the man he is now. He's still a great guy - if one manages to break that shell around him, of course. Not many people succeed in doing so._"  
  
"So it was because of the burden of command that he became like this?"  
  
The lag seemed to last forever before Keel's answer came.  
  
" _No. That wasn't it._ "  
  
"May I ask what it was?"  
  
An even longer lag because Keel was carefully thinking about what to say.  
  
" _Jean-Luc had a relationship with a fellow officer aboard the **Stargazer**. He doesn't know that I know._ "  
  
"Who was it?"  
  
Keel paused again for a moment. " _It might get me into plenty of trouble to tell you this, but you don't seem to be the kind of guy who likes gossip. It was Jack Crusher. Beverly Crusher's husband._ "  
  
Riker simply gaped at the screen, which gave Keel enough time to say something else.  
  
" _I know, I know, not exactly a wise idea for a relationship. The two of them kept it a secret, of course, but Jack told me about it. He loved Jean-Luc and was actually ready to leave Beverly, but then it turned out that she was pregnant and all... well, let's just say that it didn't work out the way Jack had wanted it to. He was torn between his duty as a father and his love for Jean-Luc._ "  
  
"Thank you very much sir," Riker somehow managed to croak. "You've been a great deal of help. I think I now understand Captain Picard a lot better."  
  
" _You're welcome. Just one more thing: Don't tell him **I** told you this._ "  
  
"I won't. Again, thank you. Riker out."  
  
The screen in front of him went dark and Riker stared at his own reflection on the smooth surface.  
  
' _He had an affair with **Jack Crusher**. My God, a married man. Married to a **woman** , that is. No wonder he's so reluctant to socialize with members of his crew. He must live in constant fear of falling in love with a fellow officer. It would all remind him of Jack and of what happened back then._'  
  
Riker rubbed his forehead and was not really surprised to notice that there was quite a bit of sweat on it.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"This is the strangest planet I've ever been on," Tasha Yar said and looked around suspiciously. "No humanoid or even animal life signs. I don't like this." She looked at the weapons that were scattered on the ground all around the away team that consisted of her, Data and Riker. "What the _hell_ happened here?"  
  
"I am sure these weapons have something to do with the disappearance of the inhabitants of this planet," Data remarked and waved his tricorder. "Something is coming, Commander."  
  
"Can you identify what it is?" Riker asked. Before the android could respond, however, a strange flying object hovered into view right in front of them. "What the -"  
  
The first officer never finished his sentence: The flying object suddenly lit up and shot a beam at him. He had no chance of getting out of its way, it hit him right where he was standing and immediately created a forcefield around him.  
  
"Yar to **Enterprise**!"  
  
" _ **Enterprise** here._ "  
  
"Something has enveloped Commander Riker, sir!"  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
Picard froze when he heard the concern in Yar's voice.  
  
Will Riker was in danger.  
  
Maybe he'd die.  
  
Or maybe he was already dead, who knew.  
  
And _he_ had sent the away team down to Minos.  
  
It would be _his_ fault.  
  
Just like it had been with Jack.  
  
"I'm coming down," he said before he could get a grip on himself. "I'll be taking Dr. Pulaski with me. Mr. LaForge - you have the bridge."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"Come on, hurry, sir!"  
  
Picard staggered over the uneven ground, driven by the intense fear of getting shot by one of the strange flying objects. He looked at Riker, who was running in front of him and was once more grateful that Data had managed to free the young commander from his rather unpleasant force field prison and -  
  
Suddenly, Riker was gone.  
  
Picard opened his mouth in order to call out his first officer's name, but before he could do so he felt the ground beneath him giving way. For a brief moment he felt weightless - and then he realized that he was actually falling. A few seconds later he felt himself hitting the ground with a bone-rattling impact that knocked the wind out of him.  
  
He briefly fought to remain conscious and then carefully tried to move his arms and legs.  
  
No problem there.  
  
He slowly sat up. "Number One?"  
  
"Cap... captain?" A gasp of pain.  
  
Picard, immediately worried, crawled into the direction of the voice (he did not dare walk for now, he felt a little dizzy) and finally spotted his first officer. Riker was lying on his back, his left leg smeared with blood.  
  
"Sir...? I feel... strange..."  
  
Picard finally reached him and looked at the leg. "Don't move."  
  
"Why... not?"  
  
"Your leg doesn't look good. You might also have internal injuries."  
  
"I don't feel anything," Riker muttered.  
  
"That's because you're in a state of shock. I assure you, your leg does _not_ look good."  
  
"Whatever you say, sir." Riker began to shiver.  
  
Picard tapped his communicator. "Picard to **Enterprise**."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Picard to **Enterprise** , come in!"  
  
Again, silence.  
  
' _This cavern must be blocking our signals. Damn._ '  
  
He looked back at his patient. "Stay calm, Number One. And don't fall asleep. That is an order."  
  
"Yes sir," Riker replied and closed his eyes.  
  
"Will!" Picard blurted out - and blushed horribly.  
  
Riker, however, had other problems than his captain calling him by his first name for the first time. "My leg hurts," he whimpered and opened his eyes. "Make it stop. Please."  
  
"I can't," Picard said helplessly, his panic rising. "I can't do anything down here. We'll have to wait until the others find us."  
  
"Where are they?"  
  
"I don't know. I hope they're safe. But then, I don't think anyone _can_ be safe on this planet. Not with these objects flying around - Will!"  
  
Riker had closed his eyes again, and before he knew what he was doing, Picard had bent over him and grabbed his shoulders.  
  
Riker opened his eyes and looked directly into those of his commanding officer.  
  
Picard froze in horror.  
  
So close... _too_ close!  
  
He let go immediately. "I'll try to find out if there's another exit. We'll have to get you out of here, Number One."  
  
Riker nodded and closed his eyes again - he was now pretty damn sure he was only dreaming anyway.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"The people on Minos destroyed themselves with these flying objects. If you hadn't found the off-switch in the cavern, we would all have been killed," Yar said and put the PADD with the report on Picard's desk. "I know you were down there yourself, but I still found it necessary to file a report on this for further analysis, sir."  
  
"We had our hands full up here as well, one of these objects seemed to like us a lot more than we wanted it to. Took a saucer sep and one hell of a maneuver in the planet's atmosphere to get rid of it. That object was most likely what destroyed the **Drake** ," LaForge remarked and added his PADD to Yar's on the desk.  
  
"Well done, Mr. LaForge. And thank you, Lieutenant Yar. I'm very relieved that no one was killed. You're dismissed."  
  
He waited until the two officers had left his ready room before he activated his communicator. "Picard to sickbay."  
  
" _Pulaski here, Captain._ "  
  
"How's Commander Riker?"  
  
" _Still a little shaken and tired. He'll be able to return to duty the day after tomorrow._ "  
  
"Understood, Doctor. Picard out."  
  
He leaned back in his chair.  
  
' _It's very possible that he doesn't even remember what I did in that cavern._ '  
  
He shook his head.  
  
' _I did nothing out of the ordinary. I grabbed him because he was about to lose consciousness, something that is very dangerous if one is in a state of shock. I just did what any other officer would have done. Really, there's nothing to it._ '  
  
He almost believed what he was trying to tell himself.  
  
Almost.


	6. Chapter 6

Picard had just sat down at his desk in order to re-read a bridge report when his communicator chirped.  
  
" _Worf to Picard._ "  
  
"Yes, what is it?"  
  
" _Admiral Nakamura wishes to speak with you, sir._ "  
  
"Very well. Put him through."  
  
A friendly face appeared on the small screen on Picard's desk. " _Greetings, Captain._ "  
  
"Admiral. What can I do for you?"  
  
" _Not much - but **I** can do something for **you** , or rather, for your first officer._"  
  
Picard frowned. "Why don't you speak to him directly?"  
  
" _It concerns **your** ship, so, **you're** the one to talk to._ "  
  
"Very well. What is it?"  
  
" _There will be an opening on the **USS Aries** \- her captain's retiring. And your Commander Riker is Starfleet's first choice for his replacement. Your new orders are to proceed to Starbase Montgomery. A civilian advisor will wait for Riker there to instruct him._ "  
  
Picard somehow managed to maintain an expressionless face. "I will inform him immediately. Picard out." The little screen in front of him went dark and he leaned back, stunned.  
  
The mere thought of Riker leaving the **Enterprise** filled him with nothing but panic. He knew it was ridiculous, and yet he was still unable to stop thinking about the young commander. The two of them had actually gotten a little closer; they went to phaser training exercises together and also sat in Ten Forward from time to time, going through mission logs - and yet Riker had never shown any sort of interest in having more than just a friendship which had caused Picard to bury his feelings even deeper.  
  
He tapped his communicator. "Picard to Riker."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
Riker was practically running through the corridors of the **Enterprise** , thinking about the talk that he had just had with Picard.  
  
The **Aries** was the second command that he was offered - and yet he didn't have _any_ intention of accepting it. In fact, he felt somewhat annoyed that everyone appeared to assume that he would say yes. The **Aries** was - at least compared to the **Enterprise** \- a tiny little bucket, a pure science vessel that was sent to unknown sectors of the galaxy, which meant it often didn't encounter anyone for months. Riker was a rather communicative person who did not mind a few battles every now and then, and he had difficulty imagining himself as the captain of such a rather dull vessel.  
  
And yet, if he was really honest, all these reasons were only secondary.  
  
The main reason why he could not imagine leaving the **Enterprise** was Jean-Luc Picard. He could not go, not now that he had finally managed to build up something that at least _resembled_ a loose friendship with the man. Riker was determined not to put this at risk, especially not by telling Picard about his true feelings for him. The captain had been quite clear that he did not care for intimate relationships with fellow officers and Riker had found out why not - but he still had no idea how to use that knowledge in order to finally get as close to Picard as he wanted to, so, he had decided that, for now, friendship was the only option left for him. The last thing he wanted was to be dragged away from Picard, not now that he finally seemed to be making at least _some_ sort of progress.  
  
Riker took a deep breath and then walked into the transporter room where he was supposed to welcome the guest who would brief him on the **Aries** ' mission. His thoughts that were still with Jean-Luc Picard were suddenly brought back into the present when he realized _who_ was standing on the transporter platform, smiling at him.  
  
It was his father, Kyle.  
  
" _Dad_?!"  
  
"Yes, it's me," the gray-haired man said. "Hello, son. You look good."  
  
Riker knew he had to at least _pretend_ to be polite - they were not alone, after all. " _You_ are the civilian advisor?"  
  
"Yes. I just _have_ to talk to you about this in person. We haven't seen each other in 15 years, and I -"  
  
"Welcome aboard," Riker said quickly. "I'll call for someone to show you to your quarters."  
  
"I thought -" his father began, but the young commander was already busy with contacting the first random ensign who came to his mind.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"You're a lot more quiet than usual today," Picard said and looked at his first officer across the table. The two of them had sat down in a corner of Ten Forward with their respective favorite drinks in front of them.  
  
"My father is aboard."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Yeah. My thoughts exactly."  
  
"I remember that you told me that you didn't have much luck with him...?"  
  
"That was actually an understatement," Riker said and looked at his coffee. "My mother died when I was three years old. Instead of taking care of me, my father let me muddle through my childhood and adolescence with no help whatsoever. He was never really there when I needed him. He was gone so often and for so long that I sometimes feared he wouldn't even bother to come back."  
  
Picard had a hard time not to put his hand on Riker's arm. "This happened a long time ago. Don't you think the two of you can sort this out now?"  
  
"No," Riker snapped. "He never even asked how I was. Not even _once_. I don't care what he does or thinks."  
  
Picard thought of his own father, imagined being contacted by him - and shuddered involuntarily.  
  
"You know what it's like for some fathers and sons." Riker had watched him closely.  
  
"I do. I wouldn't be happy either if my father showed up. He can't - he's dead - but I don't think I'd want him to walk around here. Not that he _would_ ever have come aboard a starship, of course."  
  
"Then you know how I feel," Riker muttered. "I wish he would just give me the information I need and then leave me the hell alone."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
Riker stood in front of the closed door of the observation lounge and sighed softly. The man who was waiting for him was the one he wanted to see the least right now. Nevertheless he _would_ have to listen to what he had to say; at least for a little while.  
  
He took a deep breath and then walked into the room.  
  
Kyle Riker sat at the large conference table and smiled when he realized who had entered. "Hello, son. Now we can finally talk."  
  
"I'm here for the briefing sir," Riker said coldly; he had no intention of remaining for even _one_ more second than he had to.  
  
His father held out an isolinear chip. "All you need to know about the mission is here."  
  
Riker took the chip. "These mission specs could have been transmitted."  
  
"Yes, but I wanted to see you and talk to you. I'm worried. Your new mission is not going to be an easy one, and -"  
  
"If you'll excuse me, I have to study these mission specs," Riker said, turned and walked out of the observation lounge without saying another word.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
" _Worried_. Right," Riker snorted and looked once more at the content of the isolinear chip.  
  
The mission details indicated that the journey that lay ahead of the **Aries** would be rather hazardous - not quite what he had expected from a mere science vessel. Of course he had no intention of accepting the command, but still, it couldn't hurt to read the specs, right?  
  
The door chime interrupted his thoughts.  
  
"Come in!" he called - and found himself staring in utter disbelief at the person who stepped into his quarters.  
  
It was Jean-Luc Picard.  
  
Riker almost jumped out of his chair. It was the first time that the captain visited him and he immediately regretted the chaotic state of his quarters.  
  
"I came to ask if you have any questions about your new command and your new mission. I am acquainted with some of the **Aries** ' senior staff," Picard said, seemingly oblivious to the mess around him.  
  
Riker shook his head. "Actually, no, I don't have any questions."  
  
"Very well." Picard glanced at the small console on Riker's desk that had automatically activated its screen saver: A picture of a young boy with a huge fish in his hand.  
  
Riker followed his commanding officer's gaze. "That's me."  
  
Picard smiled slightly. "I thought so. That's quite a fish you're holding."  
  
"I didn't catch it, if that's what you mean."  
  
"No?"  
  
"No. My father grabbed the rod because he thought I was too stupid to reel the fish in."  
  
Picard's gaze became soft and apologetic. "I'm so sorry, Number One."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"Had I known about your father being that civilian advisor, I would have tried to at least warn you. I mean -"  
  
"It's alright, sir." Riker forced himself not to give in to the urge to simply kiss Picard. That look on his face...!  
  
"If you want to talk some more about what happened between your father and you... I... umm... I'm here."  
  
"It's... it's a long story, actually. Too long to mention all the details. The short version is that my father decided to abandon me completely when I was 15 years old. I never had the chance to be a real teenager because I had to take care of myself and our house. My father and I had never been close in the first place, but it became worse with each passing year. He never took me seriously. He always treated me like some sort of unwanted item he had no idea what to do with..."  
  
He broke off - it was the first time he was actually talking about some of the things that had happened in his childhood and, much to his horror, he felt himself on the verge of tears.  
  
He suddenly felt a warm and reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I know how painful the past can be. It's important to not let it overwhelm you. Think of what you've accomplished. You're the first officer on Starfleet's flagship - and now you'll get your own command. And you have achieved all this without your father's help. You don't _need_ him. You can take care of yourself these days. Don't let his presence intimidate you."  
  
"I won't accept the offer. I mean I... I... I won't assume command of the **Aries**."  
  
Picard took his hand off Riker's shoulder and looked at him in surprise. "You won't?"  
  
"No. It's too soon for this. I like it here on the **Enterprise**. I like to be _second_ -in-command. For now."  
  
Picard nodded slowly. "It's your decision, of course. And I really should be going now. I don't want to interrupt your free time."  
  
"You're not interrupting, sir. In fact, I'm grateful that you stopped by."  
  
"You're welcome, Will."  
  
Only when the door had closed behind Picard did Riker realize that his captain had just called him by his first name.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
Riker was feeling rather sore. Every step was a huge effort since every bone in his body hurt - and yet it had been refreshing to work out with Worf on the holodeck. He valued the Klingon and his exercises that always involved either bat'leths or monsters or both; they had proven rather useful during his recent stay aboard the Klingon vessel **Pagh** , after all.  
  
Riker's mood went from exhausted to furious when he realized that his father was standing in front the door to his quarters, waiting for him.  
  
"Why won't you accept the offer?" he barked.  
  
"It's good to see _you_ too," Riker replied dryly. "And to answer your question: It's none of your business."  
  
"Look, I have to leave in about an hour. Let's not say goodbye like this. I know you're angry with me - but if you're refusing to accept that command because _I_ brought you the mission specs -"  
  
"No. It's my personal decision and I ask you to respect that."  
  
"Son, they already offered you the **Drake**. Now the **Aries**. They won't continue to offer you ship after ship. You should accept."  
  
Riker glared at his father. "I don't need _your_ opinion. I am capable of making my own decisions."  
  
"Now why do I doubt that?"  
  
In that moment the very last bit of patience and courtesy that Riker had still felt for his father vanished.  
  
"Leave me alone!" he blurted out. "Do you _hear_ me? I want you to get out of my life and never come back! You weren't interested in being in it in the first place, so, stop trying to get in now!"  
  
"Will, I -"  
  
"Didn't you hear what I said?! Leave me _the hell_ alone - I'm finished with you!"  
  
Riker walked past his father and right into his quarters - and was relieved like never before when he heard the door close behind him.


	7. Chapter 7

Picard was annoyed.  
  
 _More_ than just annoyed, in fact.  
  
He tugged at the wet sleeve of his uniform that had had a rather unpleasant encounter with a cup of hot chocolate a few moments ago. The cup had been carried by a rather nervous female ensign who had slammed into him when he had walked into engineering, immediately making him regret going there in the first place. On the other hand, he had _really_ wanted to know just _how_ far LaForge had gotten with the new sensor modifications.  
  
When the ensign had realized what she had done she had begun to apologize for about a thousand times - which had done nothing to improve the rather embarrassing situation, of course.  
  
Picard stepped into a turbolift cabin. "Deck 9, Crew Quarters."  
  
The turbolift began to move - and then stopped abruptly. The door opened and revealed the inside of a shuttle.  
  
What the hell?!  
  
Picard gaped at the unnatural scene and took a few cautious steps forward. The turbolift door behind him closed and vanished.  
  
Only now did he realize that someone was sitting at the helm of the shuttle.  
  
"Crewman, what's going on?" he barked, determined to end this elaborate trick, holodeck simulation or whatever it was.  
  
His hopes for a reasonable explanation and a decent discussion were shattered when the person at the helm turned around in the chair.  
  
"Q."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
Riker was nervous.  
  
 _More_ than just nervous, in fact.  
  
Ever since Deanna had told him that the captain and one of the **Enterprise** 's shuttles were no longer on board he had been pacing back and forth on the bridge - not only because he viewed this kidnapping as a personal insult to his honor as the ship's first officer but also because he was worried like hell. Furthermore, he was beginning to realize how much he missed the presence of the man he had been madly in love with for almost two years now.  
  
"Have you found anything?" he asked.  
  
Data turned around in his chair. "Not yet, sir. However, we have almost covered the whole range a shuttlecraft could travel."  
  
Riker knew what the android was trying to tell him: That Picard had not simply decided to go on a little unscheduled shuttle vacation - and that someone or something had kidnapped both captain and shuttle and was keeping them somewhere where the **Enterprise** could not find them.  
  
"Continue the search, Mr. Data."  
  
"Aye, sir."  
  
  


*********

  
  
  
Picard crossed his arms and looked at the console in front of him. He was sitting in the co-pilot's chair and had repeatedly tried to hail the **Enterprise** , without any luck. Q had at least been _somewhat_ helpful: He had cleaned Picard's uniform - but not without looking at the captain in _that_ way again.  
  
"How long are you going to sit there and pout?" the entity asked from behind.  
  
Picard shrugged. "I don't know. All I know is that I'm _not_ going to be a source for _your_ amusement."  
  
"Oh, you couldn't amuse me, mon capitaine - even if you _tried_ to."  
  
Picard decided to ignore the insulting undertone; he would gain nothing from arguing with Q. "You want something from me. You wouldn't have brought me here if you didn't."  
  
Q walked up to his chair and stopped right behind him. "I do indeed."  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
Q put his hands on Picard's shoulders. "I want to be a member of your crew."  
  
"What?! _You_?"  
  
The hands began to massage Picard's shoulders. It felt good and yet... the hands belonged to _Q_.  
  
The _wrong_ man.  
  
Picard blushed when he realized _whose_ hands he wanted to feel on his shoulders.  
  
Q, who did not seem to notice or care about Picard's growing discomfort, continued the massage. "I could be useful to you."  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
Suddenly the hands were gone and a few seconds later Picard felt soft lips brushing against his left ear.  
  
" _I_ do," Q whispered. "I'll take you back to your ship if you agree to at least _listen_ to my request. Alright?"  
  
Picard, who at this point would have done almost _anything_ to get out of the entity's reach, nodded quickly.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"Sir, the shuttle is back in shuttlebay two _and_ Captain Picard is back aboard the **Enterprise**! Location: Ten Forward!"  
  
"Are you sure, Worf?"  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
"Well, then." Riker quickly stood up. "I'll go down there myself and have a look at what the hell's going on. You have the bridge, Mr. Data."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
Picard shook his head in order to get rid of the dizziness that the sudden change in his surroundings had caused. He was sitting at a table in Ten Forward, as was Q, only at another table a few meters away.  
  
"So... as I said, I want to become a member of your crew. I'll even refrain from using my powers if you want me to."  
  
"Your powers aren't the issue. _You_ are. The first time you encountered us, you tried to put us on trial for the crimes of humanity. The next time you showed up, you turned my first officer into a Q and tried to brainwash -"  
  
He broke off when he realized that Q was no longer listening but staring at the door that had opened. Riker was standing in the doorway, the bright light that came in from the corridor illuminating his tall figure.  
  
"Sir?" he asked worriedly. "Are you alright?"  
  
Q looked back at Picard - and then back at Riker - and back at Picard. "Oh please - you _can't_ be serious, Jean-Luc!"  
  
Picard froze. "What do you -"  
  
"Oh come on, mon capitaine - I don't even have to use my powers in order to see what's going on here!"  
  
Riker cleared his throat. "What are you doing here, Q?"  
  
"Don't try to change the subject, Riker. I just can't _believe_ I never noticed this! The way the two of you are looking at each other -"  
  
"Stop this!" Picard barked.  
  
Q crossed his legs. "I never expected you to fall for Number Two. How can you stand all that hair on his face?"  
  
"That's enough, Q!" Picard took a deep breath and then looked at Riker. "He's here because he wants to become a member of our crew."  
  
"What? I don't think that's going to happen any time soon," the first officer said.  
  
Q raised his index finger. "You need me."  
  
"I don't think _that_ 's going to happen any time soon either," Riker snapped.  
  
Picard held up his hand. "What do you mean, Q?"  
  
"You think you're ready for what awaits you out there. You're wrong. And you're going to be terribly sorry that you refused my help."  
  
"Q, you either tell us what you mean or -"  
  
"Or what? You'll throw me out of an airlock? You can't threaten me, Jean-Luc."  
  
"We're just tired of your stupid games," Riker chimed in.  
  
"And _I'm_ tired of _your_ arrogance!" Q stood up. "Are you going to agree to my request or not?"  
  
"Never in a million years," Picard said calmly.  
  
"Fine. Then deal with them on your own. But don't _ever_ say I didn't warn you."  
  
The entity vanished in a bright light.  
  
"Do you know what he means, sir? Who's 'them'?" Riker asked.  
  
Picard shook his head. "I know as much - or rather, as little - about this as you do, Number One."  
  
The two officers looked at each other - and quickly looked away again.  
  
"I... umm... I think it would be best if we went back to the bridge," Picard muttered.  
  
"Agreed, sir."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"Oh my God - that's wonderful!"  
  
"If you say so," Riker sighed. "It's possible that Q simply made it all up. He seems to enjoy humiliating the captain at every possible opportunity."  
  
"I doubt he made it up," Troi said and took a sip from her hot chocolate.  
  
Riker looked at her. "You knew about his feelings for me."  
  
"Yes. I couldn't tell you. I was -"  
  
"It's alright, Deanna." Riker slowly massaged his temples. "I just don't know what to do."  
  
"What? You mean you haven't talked to him about it yet? When did Q appear in Ten Forward? Three weeks ago?"  
  
"Well, it... it just never really came up..."  
  
"Cowards."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Cowards. You both know how you feel about each other - so why can't you just admit it and see what's going to happen?"  
  
"Deanna, he's my _commanding officer_!"  
  
"So what?"  
  
"It's not that easy for me!"  
  
"Just because things turned out to be one huge mess with Captain _Pressman_ doesn't mean they'll be a huge mess with Captain _Picard_."  
  
"What if he simply denies it? What if he says it's not true and that Q made it all up? I'm going to look like a fool!"  
  
"He won't be able to maintain that wall around himself for much longer. If you ask him, he won't deny it. He can't. Not anymore."  
  
"He won't admit it either."  
  
"That I don't know. But it's still worth a try, Will. For how long have you been carrying this with you now? Almost two years, right? You've been in love with him for so long, perhaps you have gotten used to the feeling of loving him from afar. You're afraid he might not be the lover you imagine him to be."  
  
Riker felt himself blushing. "I'm not afraid of _anything_."  
  
"Then what are you still doing here? Go and talk to him. _Now_."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"Come!"  
  
The door opened, Will Riker was standing in the doorway and Picard knew right away why the young commander was here.  
  
 _'I seriously thought he'd forget about the incident. I guess I was just fooling myself once again.'_  
  
"Hello, Number One. Come in. What can I do for you?"  
  
Riker walked in and stopped right in the middle of the room. "It's... it's... about Q, sir."  
  
"Yes...?"  
  
"About what he said. About..." Riker took a deep breath. "About us."  
  
Picard said nothing.  
  
"Was he correct, sir?"  
  
"I don't know. Was he?"  
  
The two officers looked at each other and neither of them spoke until Riker finally broke the silence. "Q was correct when it comes to my feelings towards you, Cap-... Jean-Luc," he said softly. "I was more than just concerned about you when he kidnapped you. In fact, I was... I was... terrified at the mere thought of something happening to you."  
  
Picard turned away, looked out of the window and into space. "That's how every first officer should feel when it comes to his captain's safety."  
  
"It's not just that," Riker replied, fully aware of the fact that Picard was simply looking for excuses so that he would not have to talk about his own feelings. "I was worried about you because you're very important to me - and _not_ just as my commanding officer."  
  
Picard bit his lower lip.  
  
"What about you, Jean-Luc? Was Q right with what he said about your feelings towards me?" Riker wasn't ready to give up just yet.  
  
Picard took a deep breath before he answered. "Yes, he was."  
  
This time Riker remained silent until Picard finally turned around.  
  
"However, I don't think we should act on our feelings. I could pull a few strings at Starfleet Command. They might consider offering you another ship."  
  
"I don't want to command a starship at this point. I'm happy here. I won't accept a promotion."  
  
"What am I supposed to do then? I cannot allow myself to stumble into a relationship with a fellow officer - let alone my _executive_ officer!"  
  
"Can't you just forget about what happened with Jack Crusher?" Riker blurted out before he could get a grip on himself.  
  
Picard froze. "Who told you about that?"  
  
"That's not the issue here," Riker said quickly. "I know you two were more than just close, and it's only natural for you to be afraid that something like that might happen again, but - I'm not married or anything. There would be no reason for us to hide our relationship from anyone. It would _not_ be like it was with Jack."  
  
Picard glared at him. "You'd better leave now, Commander."  
  
Riker's heart sank - and yet he decided to make one last attempt. "I once had a relationship with a commanding officer of mine and it failed rather horribly, so I'm not exactly comfortable with all this either - but I'm at least willing to _try_!"  
  
Picard turned away again. "That will be all, Mr. Riker. Good night." He took another deep breath. "Don't make me call security."  
  
In that moment, Riker gave up. There was no point. He had gambled and lost. All part of the game.  
  
"That won't be necessary. I'll go." He walked towards the door. "I'm sorry, Jean-Luc."  
  
Picard winced when he heard the pain in Riker's voice - and yet he remained silent.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"Computer, lights."  
  
Riker sat up in his bed and sighed deeply. Sleep was definitely out of the question. The talk he had had with Picard was still echoing in his mind and he could not help being angry. Angry at Deanna for her stupid advice, angry about Picard's stubbornness, angry about his own feelings, angry about -  
  
The sudden chime of the door broke his chain of thought. He looked at the door in confusion. It was generally viewed as rude to disturb senior officers while they were asleep; even if there _was_ an emergency, the usual way of contacting them was through the comm system and not personally.  
  
"Come in!" he called - and had a very hard time not to gape when he recognized the man who walked into his quarters.  
  
Picard was still wearing his uniform, he had apparently not even gone to bed although he had the early morning shift the next day. "I hope I didn't wake you up."  
  
Riker shook his head. "I was about to get up again anyway. I can't sleep."  
  
"Neither can I," Picard said, walked up to the bed and looked out of the window next to it. "I came here to apologize. I'm sorry for throwing you out of my quarters. I was... a little overwhelmed."  
  
"I'm sorry as well - for talking to you like that. I mean it's really none of my business what happened between Jack Crusher and you."  
  
"Perhaps not, no." Picard glanced at Riker and pointed at the bed. "May I?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Picard sat down. "I'm afraid of what will happen if the two of us... I mean... we're the two highest-ranking officers aboard this ship. I don't know if it's a good idea for us to be... to be..."  
  
He broke off and looked helplessly at Riker, who returned his intense gaze and then slowly raised his hand and put it on Picard's cheek. The captain flinched briefly but did not back away.  
  
"I believe we should take the risk, Jean-Luc. We're both adults and capable of separating job and personal life, don't you think?"  
  
"I sincerely hope so."  
  
Riker began to caress Picard's cheek softly. "I _definitely think_ so." He paused for a moment. "I... I've wanted you for so long. I can't believe you're really here."  
  
"Believe it," Picard whispered hoarsely.  
  
Their gazes met once again, and before they could stop themselves they were kissing each other, slowly at first but then the kiss rapidly increased in its intensity. They had been struggling with their feelings for each other for way too long, and now that they were finally free to express they no longer had the power to stop.  
  
Picard slowly pushed Riker onto his back and into the soft pillows without breaking the passionate kiss. Riker, still not sure if he was dreaming or not, put his hands on Picard's ass and pushed the older man's growing erection against his own. They both groaned, broke the kiss and looked at each other.  
  
Riker reached out his hand and put it on the zipper of Picard's uniform. "You're wearing too much."  
  
Picard smiled a little sheepishly, got up from the bed and took off his uniform, shoes and underwear. Riker watched him and inhaled sharply when he saw the captain's rather large erection for the first time. His own hard cock twitched impatiently and he knew he had to taste Picard _right_ now.  
  
He threw back the blanket, no longer caring about the fact that he was stark naked and crawled over to Picard, who was still standing next to the bed. The captain looked down and nodded slightly, even now feeling the need to give his first officer permission to do what he wanted him to do anyway. Riker smiled and slowly began to take Picard's cock into his mouth, inch by inch until he could taste the throbbing organ completely.  
  
Picard briefly closed his eyes. "Will... oh... yes... please..."  
  
Riker's mouth was deliciously wet, and Picard bucked his hips in order to bury his cock even deeper inside. He had no choice but to obey the commands his body was giving him. There _would_ be a time for tenderness - but not right now. He continued to thrust his cock into Riker's hungry and hot mouth and when the young commander began to massage his balls he knew he would not be able to last much longer.  
  
Riker, sensing Picard's approaching orgasm, sucked even harder. Picard understood the invitation - and then it was too late for any sort of regret. Hot semen squirted out of his cock and down Riker's throat. The first officer swallowed eagerly, not wanting to miss even one single drop, and only when he was sure there would be no more cum did he withdraw.   
  
Picard sat down on the bed and felt himself being pulled into a tight embrace immediately. Yet another passionate kiss followed that tasted of both saliva and semen, the most delicious taste Picard had ever known. He placed his hand on Riker's erection and squeezed gently. The young commander gasped as Picard began to stroke firmly.  
  
Their kiss continued until Picard broke it - he was now as eager to taste Riker as Riker had been eager to taste him. He moved his mouth over the wet tip of Riker's cock and caressed the tiny slit with his tongue. Riker groaned loudly, still not able to fully believe that this was really happening.  
  
The last doubt was wiped from his mind, however, when Picard suddenly took his entire cock in his mouth. Riker's hands grabbed the bedsheets and a tiny part of his brain was worried about him ripping the sheets apart, but then there was suddenly only Picard's mouth, wetness and one hell of an experienced tongue. Picard knew precisely what he was doing, and Riker briefly wondered just _how_ many male lovers the man had had before an incredibly intense orgasm overwhelmed him and his ability to think was lost, at least for the moment.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
About half an hour (and one shower) later the two men were lying next to each other in Riker's bed. The first officer had draped his arm over Picard's chest and looked lovingly at the older man whose hand was resting on his thigh.  
  
"It was wonderful," he whispered.  
  
Picard smiled shyly. "Yes, it definitely was. For me as well."  
  
"I just hope you won't regret all this when we wake up next to each other in a few hours."  
  
"I doubt that," Picard said softly. "We've gone too far anyway, so I think it would be best if we walk together and see where all this leads us to."  
  
Riker could not help but briefly kiss his captain again - he couldn't get enough of the soft lips, the gray-green eyes, the deep voice...  
  
"And besides, _you_ will be the one who regrets something when we wake up: You'll have to get up as well - at least if you want to have breakfast with me. As you very well know, I have the early morning shift."  
  
Riker laughed softly. "I won't mind, Jean-Luc. I really won't mind."


	8. Chapter 8

Picard had just begun to read a rather dull report when his communicator chirped.  
  
" _Pulaski to Picard._ "  
  
"Yes, Doctor?"  
  
" _Commander Riker has been injured. Would you come to sickbay, please?_ "  
  
Picard winced, suddenly more than just glad that Pulaski couldn't see him. "I'm on my way."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
Picard stared at the wall of the turbolift cabin, lost in thoughts.  
  
The passionate night that Riker and he had had a few weeks ago had been followed by quite a few more. While neither of the two had actually spoken it out loud, they both knew that what was going on between them was more than just a random love affair. Despite all this, Picard had asked Riker to keep their meetings a secret - he did not want the crew to know, at least not yet.  
  
And now?  
  
What if Riker was seriously injured?  
  
What if he _died_?  
  
Picard's fear increased with each passing second.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"What happened?" Picard demanded right after he had walked into sickbay.  
  
"Something stung him while he was down on Surata IV." Pulaski pointed at Riker's right leg. His pants were ripped into shreds, revealing a rather nasty wound. "I'll have to run a few more tests before I know exactly what this is all about."  
  
"I have the utmost confidence in your medical abilities, Doctor."  
  
The physician nodded absently. "I'll have to run a few cross-checks in my office... excuse me for a moment..."  
  
Picard waited until she had left before he walked up to Riker's biobed.  
  
The young commander smiled sheepishly. "I'm afraid I won't be able to join you for dinner tonight."  
  
Picard forced himself to smile back - his first officer did _not_ look good.  
  
"It's alright," he said, unable to hide the worry in his voice.  
  
"The doctor says it's probably some kind of parasite that's spreading nasty microbes," Riker explained. "She isn't sure yet as to what its purpose is, but she doesn't think it just wants to say hello."  
  
Picard simply took Riker's hand and squeezed it slightly.  
  
"Don't worry. I'll be fine."  
  
"This really is a damn peculiar parasite," Pulaski suddenly said from behind.  
  
Picard let go of Riker's hand immediately.  
  
"I would like to conduct a few more tests on Commander Riker, so, Captain, if you don't mind..."  
  
"Of course, Doctor. I'll be on the bridge. Keep me informed."  
  
"I will."  
  
"Thanks for stopping by, Captain," Riker muttered and then closed his eyes.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
Picard breathed a sigh of relief after the ready room door had closed behind him. He appreciated the privacy of this little room now more than ever since he knew he would not be able to hide his worry about his first officer indefinitely. In fact, he could already _hear_ Data's naive inquiries -  
  
 _' **Data**! That's it!'_  
  
He tapped his communicator. "Commander Data, I want you to beam down to the planet immediately and get a sample of whatever it was that Commander Riker ran into. Maybe Dr. Pulaski will find it useful. Since you're an android, I don't think you'll be in any danger."  
  
"Yes, sir. I am on my way. Data out."  
  
Picard sat down on the couch. His thoughts went back to that one evening that had started it all, and he wondered once more what would have happened if he had _not_ gone to Riker's quarters in order to apologize for his behavior.  
  
And now?  
  
Now they were a couple and _he_ had sent Riker down to Surata IV - it was _his_ fault that the young commander was injured.  
  
 _'No. I must **not** think like this. He is the first officer. It is his **duty** to beam down to an unknown planet.'_  
  
He sighed deeply.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
Picard walked into sickbay and was relieved to see that no one except Riker was there.  
  
His first officer noticed him right away. "Hey. Back so soon?"  
  
"Yes." He walked up to Riker's biobed. "Where's Dr. Pulaski?"  
  
"She went to the transporter room. Data found something on the planet."  
  
"Ah." Picard cleared his throat. "So... how how are you?"  
  
"My leg feels like - no, that's not right, it doesn't feel like _anything_ because I can no longer feel it in the first place. My arm is starting to go numb as well."  
  
Picard noticed the rather badly suppressed panic in the young commander's eyes. "Don't worry. Now that Dr. Pulaski has a sample of that thing -"  
  
"She told me that if the microbes reach my brain it's most likely gonna be over rather quickly," Riker said. "Not exactly the way I pictured myself to die, but I guess one has to take the death one gets."  
  
Picard felt desperation threatening to overtake him, fought it down and tried to make his expression as neutral as possible. "Don't talk like that."  
  
"Is that an order?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
The two men looked into each other's eyes and Riker opened his mouth in order to say something when suddenly every single piece of medical equipment around them began to beep rapidly. The first officer rolled his eyes - and fell unconscious.  
  
The door to sickbay opened and Pulaski ran in. "What happened?!"  
  
Picard had never been so happy to see her. "I don't know! He seemed fine a few seconds ago!"  
  
"We're alone in here, Captain, I deliberately arranged for a little privacy for Commander Riker. You can talk freely. Tell me what happened right before he lost consciousness."  
  
Picard winced. "Nothing, really. We were just talking."  
  
The CMO pointed at one of the readings on the small monitor next to Riker's bed. "There. The microbes have reached his brain. Damn! I had no idea it would go so fast - something _must_ have triggered such a massive increase in microbes!" She quickly walked into a corner, grabbed a rather scary-looking instrument and then came back. "Captain, this is not the time for being squeamish. What did you two talk about?"  
  
"We were joking about me ordering him to stop talking like as if he were going to die."  
  
"So he was in a good mood?"  
  
"Yes. He seemed amused."  
  
"Maybe that's it - the positive emotions... it's worth a test... I'll have to keep the neurons in his brain active by stimulating them directly while I study this further..." She gently shoved him aside. "You may stay - but please, let me do my job, okay?"  
  
"Yes, of course. Thank you, Doctor."  
  
She nodded curtly. "You're welcome, Captain."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
_Riker sighed happily; the warm water around him was highly enjoyable. He knew it wasn't the smartest idea ever to sit in a bathtub while being somewhat drunk - but who the hell cared?  
  
"'You shouldn't hide inside your quarters'," he slurred. "What on Earth possessed me to say that? I should have known it would drive him away."  
  
He closed his eyes and his thoughts turned immediately to Jean-Luc Picard.  
  
The tight uniform.  
  
The lean and yet incredibly strong body.  
  
The shoulders...  
  
The hands...  
  
Oh yes..._   
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"He is responding," Pulaski said and looked at the readings on the small display.  
  
"Is that good?" Picard asked from behind.  
  
"In a manner of speaking, yes." Pulaski frowned. "The microbe growth rate has doubled."  
  
" _What_?" Picard exclaimed. "Why don't you _do_ something?!"  
  
"I _am_ doing something," Pulaski snapped. "I had to be sure of this first. Positive emotions apparently cause these microbes to spread even more rapidly."  
  
"Then what about negative ones?"  
  
"It is tricky work to trigger the right neurons, Captain. But I think I can do it. Let me see..."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
_"Tasha? Tasha!"  
  
There was no answer - the chief of security lay lifelessly on the ground.  
  
Riker turned to Armus. "This is all **your** fault!"  
  
"So what?" the creature made of Evil snarled.  
  
"There's nothing I can do, Commander." Pulaski put away her tricorder.  
  
"What do you mean, there **must** be something you can do! Beam her up to the **Enterprise** , maybe you can revive her in sickbay -"  
  
"No, Commander. She is dead. I'm **telling** you there's nothing I or any other physician could do to save her. There is too much brain damage."  
  
Riker clenched his hands into fists, a wave of emotions washing over him - frustration, anger, guilt, everything at once. He suddenly wanted nothing more than to walk over to Armus and put his hands around its throat..._   
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"There. The growth rate is dropping!"  
  
Picard was next to his CMO in an instant. "What did you do?"  
  
"What I said I would do. I triggered negative emotions."  
  
Picard looked at Riker. "Why is he sweating like this?"  
  
"It seems the neurons I'm triggering cause bad dreams or something. Maybe he's even reliving bad situations - I can't say for sure. I'll have to trigger even more negative emotions in order kill all the microbes. In his currently rather weak condition, however, this could kill him."  
  
"If I understood all this correctly, these microbes would kill him anyway, right?"  
  
"Yes. He _might_ die if I do something - and he _will_ die if I don't."  
  
"Then your next task is clear, Doctor."  
  
"Yes, Captain."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
_Riker took a deep breath. It had been seven minutes since the auto destruct sequence had been activated in order to prevent Nagilum from using half of the ship's crew for gruesome death experiments.  
  
Picard's order to 'simply' blow up the ship in response was not one he approved of - but what else were they supposed to do?  
  
He paced back and forth in the ready room, once more angry at the fact that its actual inhabitant wasn't here - the captain himself had gone to his quarters. Riker wondered what the devil he was doing in there. He had pictured himself to die with Picard on the bridge - and now not even **that** would happen.  
  
Riker's breath quickened. He wished once more for the **Enterprise** to never have stopped in order to investigate Nagilum's 'hole in space'. He wanted to fight for his life - and for the lives of all the other people aboard this ship, all the men, women and children who would die..._   
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"I did it!"  
  
Picard almost shoved Pulaski aside in order to look at the readings.  
  
"The microbes are all dead - the overload of negative emotions killed them!"  
  
A soft groan caused both of them to immediately turn to Riker's biobed.  
  
Pulaski scanned him with a tricorder. "He's coming around. He's horribly exhausted and tired - but otherwise he's fine."  
  
"What... where..." Riker croaked.  
  
Picard bent over him. "Dr. Pulaski has managed to kill the microbes. Welcome back, Will."  
  
"Oh... thanks... Doctor."  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
Riker tried to sit up. "Now... may I... may I go back to work?"   
  
Picard and Pulaski both pushed him back onto the biobed.  
  
"Hey..."  
  
"You won't go _anywhere_. I still have a few dozen tests to run on you," Pulaski said.  
  
"You're in _no_ shape to resume your duties anyway," Picard added.  
  
"Is that an order?"  
  
They both glared at him. "Yes, it is!"


	9. Chapter 9

Troi took another chocolate cookie. "Are you sure everything's as fine as you pretend that it is?"  
  
Riker put his glass on the table. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Your relationship with the captain has been going on for over a year now."  
  
"Yes...?"  
  
"Don't you think the two of you should finally officially confirm that you're a couple? This can't be what you want - to be forced to sneak into his quarters almost every night and then sneak out again the next morning, I mean."  
  
"He doesn't want the crew to know."  
  
"Do you really think they don't know what's going on? They _all_ suspect that the two of you are closer than either of you likes to admit. They're just too afraid to say something."  
  
"Don't talk to _me_ about this. Tell _him_."  
  
"Will -"  
  
" _Picard to Riker._ "  
  
"Riker here."  
  
" _Would you please come to the observation lounge?_ "  
  
"On my way."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"Commander Riker, this is Gul Macet. Gul Macet, this is my first officer, Commander William Riker."  
  
Riker nodded at the Cardassian sitting next to Picard at the table and then sat down as well.  
  
"It seems we have a problem on our hands, Number One," Picard said. "Gul Macet has just informed me that a Federation starship is attacking and destroying Cardassian supply vessels."  
  
Riker's eyes widened in surprise. "What? Why?"  
  
"It appears that its captain believes that the Cardassians are arming for war."  
  
"That sounds unlikely to me. We already _had_ a war not long ago."  
  
Macet smiled coldly. "And you can be rest assured, Commander Riker, we don't want _another_ war with you - which is why these attacks on our vessels have to stop immediately."  
  
"I have already contacted Starfleet and they have confirmed that the attacking ship is indeed one of our own," Picard continued. "It's the **Phoenix** , under the command of Benjamin Maxwell."  
  
"Maxwell? The one who lost his wife and kids in the war?" Riker asked.  
  
"The very same."  
  
"Then it's revenge he's after?"  
  
" _We_ think so," Macet remarked.  
  
"I was ordered to stop him by any means necessary." Picard tugged at his uniform shirt. "We will reach the **Phoenix** in three hours. Until then we can do nothing but wait - they are not responding to our hails."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
Benjamin Maxwell paced back and forth in Picard's ready room. "I'm telling you, Picard - they're arming for war!"  
  
"Even _if_ they are - this gives you no right to destroy their vessels."  
  
"It gives me _every_ right! I have sworn an oath to protect the Federation - as have _you_!"  
  
"There is a difference between protection and paranoia. You deliberately violated the peace treaty, Captain."  
  
"So what?" Maxwell snorted. "They never had any intention of respecting that treaty in the first place! It was only signed so that they would have more time to develop more effective weapons against us! I can prove it! Follow us, Picard; I'll lead you to one of their supply vessels. You can board it -"  
  
"I will do no such thing," Picard said calmly. "I am here to stop you, not to _encourage_ you."  
  
"You can't be serious!"  
  
"Believe me, I _am_." Picard's voice was icy. "We have no right to simply attack and board Cardassian vessels."  
  
"So you are just going to sit in your chair and watch them prepare for war?!"  
  
"I don't think you are aware of your situation." Picard stood up and tugged at his uniform shirt. "My orders are to accompany the **Phoenix** to the nearest starbase where you will be faced with charges of murder."  
  
Maxwell gaped at him.  
  
"I will, however, permit you the dignity to return to your bridge for this one last voyage. The other option would be to put you in the brig and to tow your ship back to starbase in disgrace."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"Captain, the **Phoenix** has just dropped out of warp."  
  
Picard jumped to his feet. "What?!"  
  
"There is a Cardassian supply ship in the area," Data said. "The **Phoenix** is now on an intercept course with that vessel."  
  
"Pursue and overtake."  
  
"We will not be able to catch up with the **Phoenix** before she reaches the supply ship, sir."  
  
Picard winced, knowing full well that it was all _his_ fault. If he had not allowed Maxwell to return to his ship, none of this would be happening.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
" _Board the damn ship!_ " Maxwell yelled from the huge viewscreen.  
  
"I won't," Picard snapped. " _You_ will deactivate your weapons and shields immediately or I will be forced to fire on your vessel!"  
  
Maxwell shook his head. " _You're a fool, Picard._ "  
  
The viewscreen went black.  
  
"Sir, the **Phoenix** is firing at the supply ship!" Worf said.  
  
Picard clenched his hands into fists. He did not want to give his next order, but he knew he would have to - he was here to preserve the peace at _all_ costs. "Fire a spread of photon torpedoes at the **Phoenix** , Mr. Worf. Target their weapons and shields only."  
  
"Aye, sir."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Their shields are holding. The **Phoenix** is continuing to fire." A dreadful moment of silence. "Sir, the supply ship has been destroyed."  
  
"Well, Captain?" came Macet's icy voice from right next to Picard.  
  
"Sir, the **Phoenix** is hailing us again."  
  
"On screen!" Picard barked.  
  
" _Scan the debris!_ " Maxwell urged. " _You'll see that there were weapons aboard!_ "  
  
A low beep interrupted the silence. "Sir, our sensors are picking up residual energy that is consistent with Cardassian weapon signatures."  
  
Picard turned to Macet. "Would you care to explain this?"  
  
"I don't think this is of any importance now," Macet replied. "My concern is the fact that you have once again allowed one of your ships to destroy a Cardassian vessel."  
  
"And _my_ concern is that these supply ships seem to indeed be carrying weapons." Picard's voice was as emotionless as the Gul's.  
  
Macet nodded in acknowledgement. "I think we should let our respective governments handle this... _unfortunate_ dispute."  
  
Picard felt an invisible hand closing around his throat.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"War."  
  
"War?! _Again_?"  
  
Picard sat down on his bed. "They're not yet calling it a war, but I'm sure it will sooner or later escalate into one. The peace treaty has been nullified due to, as the Cardassians put it, 'an aggressive move against their citizens'."  
  
Riker stroked his beard. "I actually think it's good that Maxwell informed us about their intentions."  
  
"But at what cost, Will? Both sides are now arming for war and I doubt there will be another peace treaty any time soon. It took us years to come up with the last one."  
  
Riker sighed. "You're right, of course. But still, imagine we had allowed them to continue their secret arming. It would have resulted in a war in which the Federation would perhaps have been at a disadvantage. They would have surprised us with their attacks. As awful as this might sound - right now, we still have the advantage over them."  
  
"So you mean now is the better time for war?" Picard asked bitterly.  
  
"There is _never_ a good time for war, Jean-Luc."  
  
"How true."  
  
Riker walked up to the bed and sat down next to his lover. "I know you're blaming yourself for all this because you allowed Maxwell to return to his ship. But that's not true. You couldn't have known what he would do."  
  
"I should have _expected_ it," Picard muttered. "I believed in his good intentions. I won't make that mistake again."  
  
"Nonsense," Riker replied. "It's one of your greatest strengths to be able to believe in a man's good intentions. It has helped us again and again in the past few years. You also believed in _my_ good intentions when you helped me to get rid of these ridiculous murder accusations made by Dr. Apgar's wife."  
  
"That's different. I know you much better - and besides, I knew why you weren't interested in her in the slightest in the first place."  
  
"And yet you didn't say anything."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"You didn't say anything... about _us_."  
  
"It was not relevant."  
  
"Oh, it _was_. Jean-Luc, don't you think it's time for us to... to... formally announce our relationship to the crew? I mean they are already suspecting things anyway - and, to be frank, I've had it with waiting for you to finally be comfortable with all this. It makes me feel unwanted to have to pretend that there is nothing going on between the two of us."  
  
Picard briefly closed his eyes. "It's not that easy, Will. And besides, with this upcoming war... I simply don't think now is the right time."  
  
"There never is a 'right time' for you!" Riker blurted out. "You always find an excuse! I think now is the _perfect_ time. What if one of us dies in that upcoming conflict without ever having told anyone how close we really were? That thought disturbs me a great deal. Doesn't it disturb you, too?"  
  
"Yes, it does. I just don't know how the crew is going to respond to all this. We are the two highest-ranking officers, and -"  
  
"So what? There are other ships on which the captain and first officer are romantically involved. I see no problem whatsoever with it and neither will the crew."  
  
Picard looked at his lover and took his hand. "Maybe you're right. Just give me a few more days, please."


	10. Chapter 10

Riker smiled as he reached out his hand in order to activate the door chime in plain sight of all the officers who were walking by - it was no longer necessary to scan the corridor with a tricorder first in order to see if someone was coming or not and to then sneak into his lover's quarters. Picard had finally decided to make their relationship official by simply asking Riker to no longer visit him secretly but to simply be open about it and act like as if it were normal for a first officer to enter his captain's quarters in the evening and leave the next morning. The final confirmation of the rumor about Picard and Riker being a couple had run through the ship's corridors at warp speed. And, what was more important: No one had had a problem with it.  
  
Except for Worf.  
  
The Klingon had seen Picard and Riker kiss one morning - and he had simply turned and walked away.  
  
Riker had not understood Worf's reaction at first until Picard had explained to him that homosexuality was frowned upon among Klingons. The ones who _were_ openly gay had to live with the fact that they could not become warriors since their honor was not viewed as intact.  
  
The first officer was not about to just leave things at that, of course - a talk with Worf _would_ have to take place at some point.  
  
But not now.  
  
Now he had an appointment.  
  
Or rather, a date.  
  
He activated the door chime.  
  
"Come!"  
  
He stepped in and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw what had happened to his commanding officer's quarters: The lights were dimmed and there were candles everywhere.  
  
"Jean-Luc?!"  
  
"Hello, Will."  
  
Riker stared at his lover, who was wearing nothing but a black robe made of silk. "What... what is this?"  
  
Picard walked up to him and put his index finger on Riker's lips. "I wanted to make you feel comfortable tonight."  
  
"Mmmm." Riker kissed the finger. "I feel comfortable already."  
  
Picard smiled and walked around Riker until he was standing behind him. A low thud - and then there suddenly was a naked, muscular body pressing against Riker's. The first officer shivered with anticipation when two large hands ran across his chest.  
  
"I want you to relax, Will..."  
  


 

**********

  
  
  
"Commander Riker?"  
  
Riker looked up. "Oh. Hello, Worf."  
  
"Do you have a moment, sir?"  
  
Riker nodded and pointed at the empty chair across the table. "Sure. Be my guest."  
  
"Thank you, sir." Worf sat down and took a deep breath. "Commander Data just came to me and asked for my advice."  
  
Riker tried to hide his surprise - he had expected a certain _other_ topic. "Data? Advice on what?"  
  
"Him and -" Worf winced, "Commander LaForge."  
  
Riker almost dropped the cup of coffee that he was holding. "Data and Geordi?!"  
  
Worf looked around uncomfortably. "Sir - please."  
  
"Sorry, Worf. It just sounds hard to believe. Data is an android, how -"  
  
"The details of their relationship are _not_ what I want to discuss with you!" Worf barked, visibly disgusted.  
  
Riker raised an eyebrow. "Then what is it?"  
  
"It is... most uncomfortable for me to have so many same-sex couples around me."  
  
Riker sighed inwardly. _'Here it comes.'_  
  
"But, of course, I _will_ perform my duty aboard this ship."  
  
"I expected nothing less," Riker said and put down his cup. "Listen, Worf, I know how uncomfortable it makes you to see the captain and me together, and now, as impossible as it sounds, Commanders Data and LaForge - but, frankly, this is not a Klingon ship."  
  
"No sir," Worf muttered. "If it were, the captain and you would already be dead."  
  
"How charming."  
  
"It is not easy for me to adjust to this. But I _do_ feel the need to apologize for my behavior in the corridor recently. The incident when I walked away when I saw the captain and you together. It was..." he struggled visibly to say the word, " _rude_. By human standards."  
  
Riker had a hard time not to laugh. Sure, it wasn't exactly nice what Worf had to say, and yet he had to keep in mind that Klingon culture was very different from his own. "Look, Lieutenant, I don't expect you to show up to our wedding next week."  
  
Worf stared at him.  
  
Riker grinned. "Just a joke. Relax."  
  
Worf took a deep breath.  
  
"But what I _do_ expect from you is tolerance. Most of us are humans, and humans have no problems whatsoever with same-sex relationships. I admit that it _will_ take you time to adjust, and the captain and I _are_ willing to give you that time, but -"  
  
"There is no need," Worf said. "It would be dishonorable to ignore a commanding officer's wishes. I will try to adjust, sir."  
  
Riker nodded and took another sip of coffee. "Thanks, Worf."  
  
The Klingon nodded back, stood up and walked out of Ten Forward.  
  
Riker leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.  
  
"Commander?"  
  
He opened his eyes again. _'What now?!'_  
  
"Oh. Hello, Data."  
  
"Sir, may I speak with you for a moment?"  
  
"Sure." Riker once again pointed at the chair across the table.  
  
The android sat down. "I require your advice, sir."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Since you no doubt have a lot of experience in this matter..."  
  
"What matter?"  
  
"Lieutenant Commander LaForge gave me what could be considered a very passionate kiss in engineering this morning."  
  
Riker leaned forward. _'So, it really is true. Worf will be thrilled.'_  
  
"And now you want to know what to do next, hmm?"  
  
"Yes, sir. Geordi and I have been friends for three years, two months and fifteen days, and while I did notice that he does not seem to be interested in females at all, I never expected myself to be the target of his desire for intimate companionship."  
  
Riker chuckled. "You mean he surprised you when he kissed you."  
  
"Yes, sir. Is that not what I said?"  
  
"It is. What are your feelings towards him?"  
  
"I _have_ no feelings, sir."  
  
"Oh, come on, Data. You know what I mean. What do you think of him?"  
  
"He is a very capable engineer. About 69 percent of the time he makes irrational-sounding proposals that result in success for unknown reasons. He is also -"  
  
"No, no, no - what do you think of _him_?"  
  
"I look forward to the time we spend together."  
  
Riker smiled broadly. "That's what I wanted to hear from you."  
  
"Sir, I must point out that, since I have no feelings, Geordi might perhaps be hurt by my inability to love him back."  
  
"Data, that's not the issue. People get hurt all the time in relationships. No matter how happy a relationship is, the prospect of getting hurt is always there. Geordi knows what he's doing. And he knows _you_. So I would say he thought about this a great deal."  
  
"So you are in favor of me pursuing a relationship with him?"  
  
"Yes, I am. But - slowly, okay?"  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"Don't rush it. Just spend some more off-duty time with him and see what happens next."  
  
"I will, sir." Data stood up, much to Riker's relief. "Thank you for your advice, sir."  
  
Riker sighed. "Sure. Anytime. I'm the designated advice officer in here anyway."  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"Never mind."  
  
"Very well, sir. Have a nice evening."  
  
"Thanks, Data. You, too."  
  
Riker raised his cup once more and was more than just annoyed to see that it was empty.


	11. Chapter 11

Troi dipped a rather large spoon into her chocolate ice cream. "So, how's it going between the two of you?"  
  
"We're doing fine. The only thing he still seems to have a problem with is the whole away team issue."  
  
"I told you this would be the case. It's never easy to order someone to their possible death. It gets even harder if it's the person one loves."  
  
"We manage," Riker replied. "We'll never get entirely used to it, but, as you told us, there are ways of dealing with this kind of fear. And besides, it's not always _me_ who's in danger. The last time it was _him_ when you -"  
  
Troi sighed. "I still regret what I did."  
  
"It wasn't you. I was going to say that the last time it was him who was in danger when your body was taken over by that penal colonist's spirit or whatever it was. - But really, enough of this. I heard you got a special someone now, too...?"  
  
She stared at him. "Who told you that?"  
  
"Can't say," he winked. "But I _do_ know about Worf and you. It had to come sooner or later, you know. The way the two of you always got along and all."  
  
Troi put down the spoon. "Is it that obvious already?"  
  
Riker nodded. "To me, yes. I can't really say I understand your decision, but it's your life, of course, not mine."  
  
"You don't really care much for Worf anymore."  
  
"To be honest, no. He promised me to try and tolerate the captain and me together. He keeps failing. It's not that he says or does anything - but I just _know_ he disapproves of us. I know that, in his mind, he questions every single order the captain or I give."  
  
"That's my impression as well. This will become a problem sooner or later. He refuses to talk to me about it - he says it's 'a personal matter'. You know how stubborn he can be."  
  
"I doubt talking would do much good anyway," Riker said. "This resentment towards same-sex relationships runs very deep."  
  
Troi sighed again. "I will continue to try and talk to him about it. That's all I can do."  
  
"Please, Deanna, you don't have to do that. I don't want you to get into an argument with him just because of the captain and me. Enjoy your relationship with him. Just make sure not to break too much furniture in the process, okay?"  
  
Troi laughed. "I'll keep that in mind."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"Do you think the **Enterprise** will find our missing shuttlecraft, Commander?"  
  
Riker looked at Soren, who was lying under the navigational control console. "We'll do our best. The first step will be to modify this shuttle so that we can fly into null space where we think your shuttlecraft is located. - You know, you're very good at this."  
  
"I do a lot of engineering work."  
  
"So, you're the man who fixes stuff."  
  
"I am neither a man nor a woman, Commander."  
  
"Sorry. It was just a joke. Not a very good one, I must admit. Some people might say it's sexist."  
  
Soren came out from under the console. "Sexist?"  
  
"Yes. It implies that women aren't as capable as men when it comes to engineering work."  
  
"Strange concepts you people have. This gender issue brings a lot of problems with it - problems that _we_ don't have."  
  
"Maybe you have less problems - but probably also less fun."  
  
"Less fun? We have a lot of fun. We laugh, we dance, we do everything you people do."  
  
Riker grinned. He had gotten to know Soren rather well in the past few days; and he had noticed that J'naii were incredibly open-minded, especially when it came to intimate details. "What about sex? I mean, no gender..."  
  
"We _have_ sex, of course. Gender is not required for that."  
  
"But how -"  
  
" _Worf to Commander Riker._ "  
  
"Riker here."  
  
" _Sir, do you have a moment? I would like to speak with you._ "  
  
Riker looked at Soren. The J'naii nodded, indicating that it could do the rest of the work alone.  
  
"I'll be waiting for you in shuttlebay 2."  
  
" _Acknowledged. Worf out._ "  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"My honor demands of me to ask you a very specific and personal question."  
  
"Go ahead."  
  
"Would it be tolerable for you if Deanna Troi and I engaged in an intimate relationship?"  
  
Riker raised an eyebrow. "I thought you two already _were_ a couple...?"  
  
"You know of it?"  
  
"Yes. Deanna told me."  
  
"She took care of me when I was injured. A woman who takes care of an injured warrior is allowed to become his consort."  
  
"I see. And why do you need my permission?"  
  
"Because you and the counselor were... _intimate_."  
  
"Worf, you're not going to ask every man with whom Deanna -"  
  
"No, of course not," the Klingon barked, visibly annoyed. "Only the ones who are on this ship and might still become competitors."  
  
Riker had a hard time not to grin. _'Too bad he doesn't know what Deanna and Jean-Luc did when they were under the influence of the Psi2000 virus. It'd **kill** him to know that both Jean-Luc **and** I have had sex with her.'_  
  
He cleared his throat. "Well, Worf, there certainly won't be any competition from _me_. As you very well know, I have other interests at the moment."  
  
"I am aware of that, sir. I just felt it necessary to ask anyway."  
  
"Well, for what it's worth - you have my permission to be with Deanna."  
  
"Thank you, Commander." Worf nodded curtly, turned and then walked back to the door.  
  
Riker jumped off the cargo container on which he had been sitting and walked back to the shuttle.  
  
Soren was standing in front of it, typing commands into a PADD. "My apologies - but I could not help listening to your conversation with Lieutenant Worf. We J'naii have very good ears."  
  
Riker shrugged. "It's alright."  
  
"May I ask you a few questions?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"What did you mean by 'other interests'?"  
  
"I was referring to Captain Picard. He and I are... well, we're lovers."  
  
"Oh. I understand." Soren looked at him. "The captain is male. Like you."  
  
Riker groaned inwardly. _'Don't **you** start!'_  
  
"Yes, he is."  
  
"Lieutenant Worf did not seem to be very happy when you mentioned your 'other interests'."  
  
"Excellent perception, Soren. You see, in Worf's culture, the idea of same-sex relationships is offensive."  
  
"Ah. - Why?"  
  
"I guess it's because they view two male Klingons who are in love with each other as weak."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Riker leaned against the shuttle. "To be honest, I have no idea why. There were similar prejudices on my own planet once. People who were in love with someone of the same gender were sometimes even considered sick."  
  
"Sick," Soren repeated. "I don't understand."  
  
"I don't get it either. The fact remains that Lieutenant Worf thinks that only a relationship between a man and a woman, two different genders, is acceptable."  
  
"Strange. I would have thought that the concept of two different genders in love provides the more offensive idea."  
  
Riker smiled. "That's a rather unique point of view."  
  
"Maybe I think like this because the idea of gender is so alien to us. I can imagine us being able to adjust to having _one_ gender - but _two_? I doubt my people could handle that."  
  
"Well, for us, two genders are needed in order to produce offspring. But your people have also solved that problem, so..."  
  
"We don't have any need for gender, no." Soren put the PADD away. "Lieutenant Worf said that you were involved with a female once? The one he is involved with now?"  
  
"Yes." Riker followed Soren into the shuttle and sat down in the pilot's seat. "It was just a one-night-stand, nothing more. But the fact that we're now aboard the same ship and have become close friends seems to have provoked Lieutenant Worf into asking me if I am fine with it."  
  
"Then the decision which gender to become involved with is not a final one? You are with a male person now."  
  
"Oh. You mean bisexuality. I'm bisexual. So is the captain. We have both been involved with males and females in the past. For now we have chosen to live with a male partner."  
  
"I see." Soren thought for a moment. "But that might change again one day and you will both be looking for a female partner again...?"  
  
"I sure hope not, but yes, that's the general idea."  
  
"This is incredibly complicated."  
  
Riker chuckled. "That's what makes it so interesting."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"So - what do you think of the J'naii, Will?"  
  
Riker sat down next to his lover. "They are a rather inquisitive people. Soren asked me dozens of questions."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Long story. I'm glad we found their missing shuttlecraft with the pilots alive and well."  
  
"As am I." Picard poured both of them some coffee. "There are some rather unfortunate news, however."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"The Cardassians attacked two Federation starships yesterday."  
  
"They sure are becoming more and more aggressive. And yet there has still been no formal declaration of war from either side - or has there?"  
  
"Not to my knowledge. Their attacks are usually random. It almost appears as if they want to strike in full force but aren't ready for it yet."  
  
"Then maybe Maxwell really _did_ us a huge favor by blowing up their supply vessel."  
  
"Maybe." Picard reached for the butter. "But now, indulge me, Will: What sort of questions did Soren ask you?"


	12. Chapter 12

Picard took a deep breath and looked at the closed sickbay door in front of him. He knew he'd need another moment; he had to prepare himself for who was waiting in there: A second William Riker.  
  
He still had a hard time believing what had apparently happened about half an hour ago: An away team on Nervala IV had stumbled across someone who looked exactly like his first officer and lover - and who also insisted on actually _being_ Lieutenant William T. Riker of the starship **Potemkin**.  
  
 _'He might just as well be a shapeshifter. A clone. Or even Q. Or a time traveler?'_  
  
Picard tugged at his uniform jacket and made one more step towards the door. It opened for him almost immediately and he slowly walked into sickbay.  
  
Pulaski was standing right next to someone who looked exactly like Riker - only the beard was slightly different. He looked up when he heard the sound of the door, and Picard had a hard time not to gasp when he saw the familiar blue eyes.  
  
He cleared his throat. "Lieutenant Riker?"  
  
"Yes." The man looked at the rank pips on Picard's collar. "Captain Picard, I presume?"  
  
"Indeed. Welcome aboard, Lieutenant."  
  
"Thank you, sir."  
  
Picard looked at Pulaski. "Doctor, a moment."  
  
"Of course. Alyssa? Could you please take over for me?"  
  
"Yes, Doctor." The head nurse walked over to them and took the tricorder while Pulaski and Picard walked into the CMO's rather large office.  
  
"Captain, I know what you're about to ask me," Pulaski said even before Picard had opened his mouth. "He's neither a shapeshifter nor an android."  
  
"Then he is a clone."  
  
Pulaski shook her head. "No, he's not a clone either. His brain patterns are exactly the same as Commander Riker's - well, a few minor differences but these are due to the fact that _this_ Will Riker spent the last few years alone on a remote planet."  
  
Picard felt his knees growing weak and decided to sit down - quickly.  
  
Pulaski watched him. "I know how hard this must be for you, Captain, but you have to keep in mind that Lieutenant Riker has never met you before. And I don't think anyone has told him about you and his... well, 'twin' yet. So please, be careful."  
  
Picard nodded slowly.  
  
"Perhaps you should also talk to Deanna."  
  
Picard closed his eyes briefly and then opened them again. "I will consider it, Doctor." He slowly stood up.  
  
"Oh, one more thing, Captain."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I've received an offer to become head of Starfleet Medical. And - I accepted."  
  
Picard frowned. "I hate to see you leave, Doctor."  
  
"I know. Despite our initial difficulties I have become quite fond of you, too."  
  
Picard smiled slightly.  
  
"I already put in a recommendation as to who my successor should be. It's entirely up to you if you want to follow it or not, of course."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Alyssa Ogawa. She's much more than just my head nurse already anyway. She has all the qualities of a good doctor. As for the extra learning and training that's required - I think she can do _that_ , too."  
  
Picard rubbed his chin. "Consider it done."  
  
"Thank you, Captain."  
  
"When will you be leaving?"  
  
"As soon as we reach the next starbase."  
  
"In that case, I'll have to tell you to be prepared for one of Commander Riker's surprise parties."  
  
Pulaski groaned. "Oh please, no. Can't you talk some sense into him?"  
  
Picard sighed. "I'm afraid not, Doctor."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"Will?"  
  
Riker winced when he heard the voice. He knew his lover simply wanted to help, but still. "Yes?"  
  
"I just wanted to see how you are holding up."  
  
"I'm fine, thanks."  
  
Riker felt two strong arms hugging him from behind and then Picard's forehead leaning against the back of his right shoulder.  
  
"He's _not_ you, Will."  
  
"Technically, he _is_. You heard Geordi - the transporter accident created two of us back then, and he was the one who remained behind," Riker replied. "It's incredibly hard to accept that I have a twin who looks like me but is actually _nothing_ like me. He shows me what I could have been like if I hadn't met you. And, frankly..." Riker turned in Picard's arms, "I don't like what I see."  
  
"Did you talk to him?"  
  
"Yes, about an hour ago. He's very ambitious. The only thing he wants is to pursue his career."  
  
Picard looked into Riker's eyes. "You shouldn't judge him too harshly. He had to endure eight years alone on that planet. You can't expect him to be like you are today. He was never given the chance to live the life you live."  
  
Riker pulled Picard even closer. "You're right, of course."  
  
"You'll have to give yourself some time," Picard said softly. "What are his plans? Does he want to stay here on the **Enterprise**?"  
  
"No, I don't think so. He seems to want to get away from me just as much as I want to get away from _him_."  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"I told him... about us."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"He wasn't pleased. Said it's foolish to be involved with a commanding officer again. I was tempted to send him to Worf. The two of them would get along just fine."  
  
"Will, please. You know that this isn't true."  
  
Riker sighed. "I know. And I'm sorry."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"Sir, the Cardassians attacked Outpost 29 yesterday."  
  
"Damn," Picard muttered, took the PADD that Data was offering him - and froze.  
  
"Something's different about you, Commander."  
  
"Yes, sir. I have slightly altered my appearance."  
  
It took Picard a few seconds to figure out the difference. "Your eyes. They're _blue_?!"  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Lieutenant Riker told me shortly before he left that he considered his blue eyes to be his most interesting body feature. So I decided to experiment with eye colors. I tried green, red, black, hazel and then blue. Geordi liked the blue eyes best, which is why I decided to install them permanently."  
  
"But Geordi can't exactly see colors the way we do."  
  
"That does not matter. He says my aura changed with each eye color and he preferred the one that came with the blue eyes."  
  
Picard shook his head, smiling. "You never cease to amaze me, Mr. Data."  
  
"Thank you, sir." The android turned in order to leave the ready room - but then he changed his mind and turned around again. "Sir?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"May I ask you a personal question?"  
  
"Of course, Commander. Go ahead."  
  
"What was it like for Commander Riker and you to have Lieutenant Riker aboard?"  
  
"What exactly are you referring to?"  
  
"Your relationship. Did you start to question it?"  
  
"No, Data. Why should we?"  
  
"Commander Riker seems to be content with the fact that he is your first officer. Lieutenant Riker, however, would want his own command."  
  
"Our Commander Riker is free to pursue his career as well," Picard said.  
  
"You would not object?"  
  
"Of course not. Why would I?"  
  
"Because he is your lover. I assumed you would want him to stay with you."  
  
"Data, what I want wouldn't matter if we were actually faced with the situation of Commander Riker leaving the **Enterprise**. It's one of those occasions when a Starfleet officer must put his duty before his personal life."  
  
"I see."  
  
"Data, why are you asking me about this?"  
  
"Geordi and I had a discussion about this very subject last night. He told me that he would be 'fine with it' if I were to be transferred off the **Enterprise** in order to become the first officer of another ship. I am trying to determine whether this opinion is a common one among Starfleet officers who are involved with each other."  
  
"It is."  
  
"I know, sir. I asked several couples about this and I always received the same answer you gave me."  
  
"What would you do if Geordi were to be transferred off this ship?"  
  
"I have become accustomed to his sensory input pattern, and -" The android broke off and then looked up. "I believe the right thing to say here is that I would... _miss_ him. Is that selfish, sir?"  
  
Picard smiled. "No, Data. It's human."


	13. Chapter 13

"Now, Mr. Worf! Now!"  
  
Nothing.  
  
Picard turned in his chair.  
  
" _Worf_!" Riker yelled.  
  
"Oh... of... of course, sir!" Worf briefly shook his head, raised the shields and then fired at the Cardassian vessel that had just been about to blow the Argus Array into pieces.  
  
The **Enterprise** shuddered violently.  
  
"Seems we got their attention," Riker remarked.  
  
"Fire at will, Lieutenant!" Picard ordered.  
  
Worf obeyed - and this time he did so immediately.  
  
"The Cardassians are withdrawing," he announced after a few rather tense seconds. "The Argus Array has been damaged, but it is not beyond repair."  
  
"Good." Picard stood up from his chair and was just about to ask what the hell had made Worf hesitate when the Klingon frantically opened a comm-channel.  
  
"Bridge to engineering!"  
  
" _LaForge here. What is it, Worf?_ "  
  
The Klingon took a deep breath, visibly relieved. "Nothing, Commander. I just wanted to ask for... a status report."  
  
" _We're all a little shaken and a few consoles have blown up, but nothing we can't fix down here. I've also already scanned the Argus Array, we'll be sending a team over there in the next hour,_ " the chief engineer replied.  
  
"Very well. Worf out."  
  
Picard glared at his chief of security. "Lieutenant...?"  
  
"Yes, Captain. I need to speak with you and Commander Riker."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
Picard handed Riker a cup of coffee, sat down in his chair with his Earl Grey and then looked at Worf. "Well...?"  
  
"It is difficult to explain, sir. When I was on the bridge and you gave me the order to raise shields and then fire, I was... momentarily distracted."  
  
"By what?"  
  
"I suddenly felt the presence of other personalities."  
  
"You mean other people?"  
  
"No. Other 'me's."  
  
Picard and Riker looked at each other in confusion.  
  
"I don't understand," Picard said.  
  
"It seems that, from what I know now, there had been a rift in space that made realities and time lines melt into one another. I - or rather - another Worf from another time line was the only person who could shift from one reality to another, with the help of Commander LaForge's VISOR. Another **Enterprise** from another reality managed to seal the rift and the Worfs were apparently sent back to various moments in their time lines. It appears that I was sent back to this particular moment - which was a very fortunate coincidence."  
  
Picard frowned; he had a hard time believing what the Klingon said - and yet, Worf had hesitated to follow an order in the middle of a _battle_ , which was reason enough for Picard to seriously consider that his chief of security was telling the truth.  
  
"Why was this a fortunate coincidence?"  
  
"Because, when this other Worf shifted through realities, he took my place in that precise moment. He didn't know how to operate the weapons control panel because, on his **Enterprise** , in his universe, the Federation was still at peace with the Cardassians. They had had no need for an upgrade of the weapons systems. He didn't know how to raise the shields, which offered the Cardassians the opportunity to attack us like the cowards that they are. Commander LaForge was killed during that attack."  
  
"That's why you called engineering."  
  
"Yes. I apologize, sir. I overstepped my authority."  
  
"Well in this case, Worf, it's quite understandable."  
  
The Klingon looked at Picard. "I am beginning to remember more details about the other time lines. I will file a report as soon as possible."  
  
"Very well. You're dismissed."  
  
Worf nodded, stood up and then walked out of the ready room.  
  
Riker leaned back. "That was quite a story."  
  
"Indeed."  
  
"You believe him?"  
  
"You don't?"  
  
"I do. But there is also this voice inside my head that says he didn't follow your orders right away because he still holds a grudge against us."  
  
"Oh come on, Will, this is nonsense and you know it. It has gotten much better ever since he married Deanna. She is a good influence."  
  
Riker nodded. "I know. If it weren't for her, he'd probably already have tried to kill us or something."  
  
Picard shook his head. "You're as stubborn as he is. Why can't you two just try to get along somehow?"  
  
"I'm not the one who's homophobic." Riker made a face. "And besides, _you_ should be offended, too."  
  
"Oh, I am. But I also have to respect other peoples' beliefs. It's not that he's running around with a phaser, shooting at every single same-sex couple on the **Enterprise**. He'd have quite a lot to do."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
Picard read through Worf's report for the third time already even though his senior officers were sitting around him, waiting for him to say something. The report was rather strange - and yet it was filled with so many details that Picard had no doubt that it was the truth.  
  
He glanced once more at a specific part of the report that he wanted to discuss and then looked up. "In all these other universes, the Borg appear to be a much greater threat than they have been in ours so far."  
  
"I still don't get why Q warned us about them," Riker chimed in.  
  
"Probably just to scare us and make us feel bad for refusing to make him a member of our crew," Picard mused.  
  
"There was even one universe in which the Borg had taken over the whole Federation," Worf said. "It was rather... _unsettling_."  
  
"Let's be grateful that our Borg are somewhat easy to handle."  
  
Worf nodded. "Yes, sir. In more than one of these other universes, the Borg had assimilated you for a short time and used your knowledge about starships against the Federation in a battle that ended with the destruction of 39 starships. The other Worfs knew that you blamed yourself for it. They did not agree with that assessment."  
  
Picard shuddered inwardly. So many ships destroyed, so many deaths... he didn't even want to _imagine_ the guilt his counterparts went through in their respective universes.  
  
"It must've been overwhelming to suddenly have all this knowledge about other time lines in one's head," Ogawa said. "It's amazing that he only hesitated for such a brief moment. The Klingon brain is apparently able to adapt to new neural patterns very quickly. If Worf had been a human officer, he would have stood motionless behind his console for at least 30 seconds."  
  
"That would have given the Cardassians the time to destroy the Argus Array," Riker remarked.  
  
"Most likely, yes." Picard put his hands on the table. "Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, if there are no further questions -"  
  
" _Bridge to Captain Picard._ "  
  
"Picard here."  
  
" _There is a subspace communication for you from Starfleet Headquarters. Priority One, Admiral Blackwell._ "  
  
Picard nodded briefly at his officers, who stood up and then walked out of the observation lounge - Priority One meant Captain's Eyes Only, after all. He got up from his chair, tugged at his uniform shirt and then asked the computer to activate the little screen on the wall.  
  
"Admiral."  
  
" _Captain Picard, it's good to see you. I'm glad the Cardassians left you in one piece._ "  
  
"As am I."  
  
" _That's not what I wanted to talk to you about, however._ "  
  
"Oh?"  
  
" _You will rendezvous with the starship **Crazy Horse** tomorrow. They have a special passenger for you from Starfleet Intelligence._ "  
  
The term 'Starfleet Intelligence' alone raised all kinds of alerts in Picard's mind. Everyone knew how ruthless members of this organization could be - and, to make matters even worse, they often came with the authorization to take command of a starship during their missions, which was something Picard hated with passion. This was _his_ ship and he was used to being the _only_ one who gave any sort of final order.  
  
"What does that passenger want?" he asked suspiciously.  
  
" _I can't tell you what he wants because I don't know. I was simply instruced to tell you about his visit and to give you the coordinates for the rendezvous point._ "  
  
Picard raised an eyebrow. If Blackwell knew nothing, this had to be big.  
  
Very big.  
  
And most likely very, very dangerous.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"So, how about dinner tonight?" Riker asked while his lover and he were walking down the corridor. "I got something special at our last stop."  
  
Picard groaned. "Please, Will, not your Owan eggs again!"  
  
"Not this time. You'll love it anyway."  
  
"I hope my stomach will agree with you."  
  
"I just love cooking for you."  
  
"Perhaps you should reconsider that."  
  
Riker chuckled. "I don't think so."  
  
They walked into the transporter room and Picard nodded at the transporter chief. "Energize, Mr. O'Brien. Bring our special guest on board."  
  
"Aye, sir."  
  
A few seconds later the 'special guest' had materialized.  
  
Riker froze in horror - in front of them stood his former commanding officer and ex-lover, Erik Pressman.


	14. Chapter 14

"Will!" Pressman beamed, stepped off the transporter platform, grabbed Riker's hand and shook it while Riker simply stared at him.  
  
Picard cleared his throat, which brought the first officer back into the present. "Captain Picard, this is Admiral Erik Pressman," he said hoarsely.  
  
"Welcome aboard, Admiral."  
  
To anyone else's ears, Picard's voice sounded just like always. Not to Riker's, however - he heard the suspicion and the unanswered questions. After all, he had never told Picard _which_ commanding officer had almost broken his heart once.  
  
 _'Why did it have to be **him** to come aboard?'_  
  
Pressman nodded at Picard. "Thank you, Captain. We have much to discuss."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"And now Starfleet believes to have located the **Pegasus**."  
  
Picard frowned. "Forgive me, Admiral - but why is Starfleet so interested in an old ship?"  
  
Pressman crossed his arms. "That's a classified matter. The only thing I can reveal to you is that there is some sensitive equipment aboard."  
  
Picard glanced at Riker, who had not said anything yet.  
  
"For now your orders are to find the **Pegasus** ," Pressman said. "That's all you need to know."  
  
"Very well, Admiral."  
  
Pressman stood up, took a long look at Riker and then left the observation lounge.  
  
Riker buried his head in his hands as soon as the door had closed behind the admiral.  
  
"He... of all people... it had to be him," he muttered.  
  
"Let me guess, he was the commanding officer you were involved with when you were an ensign."  
  
"Yes."  
  
Picard felt a stab of jealousy - Erik Pressman _was_ still rather attractive, after all. "Why did you two break up?"  
  
Riker winced visibly and Picard suddenly had a feeling that there was a lot more to this than just a broken heart.  
  
"We no longer got along."  
  
"When exactly did you bre-"  
  
Riker jumped out of his chair. "It doesn't matter! Stop asking me these questions!"  
  
Picard gaped at his lover, but Riker didn't even notice - he was already on his way to the door.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"She's still out there, Will," Pressman said and looked at the bearded man who was sitting across the table, an old-fashioned lemonade in front of him.  
  
"Where's the sense in going after her?" Riker asked.  
  
"You know why we have to find her. Or rather, what's _on_ her."  
  
Riker stared at his ex-lover. "You want to go after _it_?!"  
  
"Imagine the advantages it might give us at this point - the Cardassians would never know what hit them until it's too late! We need it in order to win this war, Will. Can't you see what's happening? That non-cloaking-device-treaty we signed back then with the Romulans is crippling us! And besides, the Romulans won't care anyway about what we do - they're not even _there_ most of the time!"  
  
"That would change _immediately_ if we were to break the Treaty of Algeron!" Riker hissed. "I can't support you in this, Erik!"  
  
Pressman looked at him. "I must admit... you have actually grown a backbone. Must be your lover - oh, sorry, your _captain_. I feel like as if it's _him_ talking to me, not you. Where's the young Will Riker who stood up for me and protected me from my officers all those years ago?"  
  
"He's on a very long vacation," Riker replied icily. "But _you_ are still the same Erik Pressman who thinks it's alright to break rules as soon as they become inconvenient."  
  
Pressman tugged at the sleeves of his uniform jacket. "I won't need your consent anyway for this. There are people in much higher positions who support me. Admiral Raner, for example."  
  
Riker gaped at him. "The Chief of Starfleet Security?!"  
  
"The very same." Pressman grinned maliciously. "And you, Will, are now under orders not to reveal the true nature of this mission. Not to anyone - _especially_ not to Captain Picard."  
  
Riker clenched his hands into fists. "You know exactly how difficult this is going to be for me - you deliberately told me all this!"  
  
Pressman nodded and took another sip from his whiskey. "I needed to know where your loyalties are, Ensign Babyface. I swear if you reveal anything about this to Captain Picard, I will personally make sure that he never sets even _one_ foot on a Starfleet vessel again. Like I just told you - I have many friends in the highest places."  
  
Riker was breathing rapidly - but all he could do was stare at his ex-lover and wonder how the _hell_ he had managed to fall in love with him all those years ago.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"Sir, we are picking up energy readings from one of the asteroids ahead," Data said. "It might be the **Pegasus**."  
  
"Do everything that's necessary in order to determine that," Picard replied and forced himself not to drum his fingers on the armrest of his chair.  
  
The past two days had been anything _but_ quiet. Riker had not talked to him at all, except for when the two of them had both been on bridge duty, and, to make things even worse, the first officer had been spotted in Ten Forward last night - with Erik Pressman. He felt yet another stab of jealousy. What the hell made Riker act like that? Why did he go to Ten Forward with his ex-lover but did not even _speak_ to Picard? And why had he been so nervous when Picard had begun to ask him about why he and Pressman had broken up?  
  
' _Perhaps they are still in love._ '  
  
He almost shook his head. He knew it was foolish to think this - especially since the man sitting to his right was not even _looking_ at the man sitting to his left.  
  
Picard once again had the feeling that this was about much more than a failed relationship. He remembered perfectly well how he had run into walls the night before when he had tried to find out what had led to the loss of the **Pegasus** in the first place. The officers with whom he had spoken had all put on a poker face and told him that they knew nothing - and they had all acted like as if they were afraid of something.  
  
Or some _one_.  
  
"Sir, it is confirmed," Data said. "The readings we are picking up are indeed from the **Pegasus**."  
  
A low beep sounded.  
  
"This is strange."  
  
"What is it, Commander?" Picard asked.  
  
"Half of the ship appears to be buried inside solid rock, sir."  
  
Picard stood up from his chair. "What? How is this possible?"  
  
"Unknown at this point, Captain."  
  
"We have to board her," Pressman said calmly. "Can we?"  
  
"You would have to wear containment suits - the ship has multiple hull breaches. But it is possible."  
  
Pressman stood up. "Commander Riker, you're with me."  
  
"Mr. Data, you go with -" Picard began, but Pressman interrupted him rudely. "I want the away team complement to be as minimal as possible. The sensitive equipment isn't that heavy." He glared at Riker. " _Two_ people can carry it quite easily."  
  
Picard nodded slowly, now even more convinced that something was not right here at all. "Understood, Admiral."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"My God, Will, how lucky we are! It's still here - and it's intact!" Pressman exclaimed and started to pull out a few wires.  
  
Riker, however, had no time whatsoever for Pressman's enthusiasm. He was staring at the dead bodies that were floating around everywhere, perfectly preserved by the vacuum inside the ship's engine room.  
  
"All these people... dead..."  
  
"Get over it," Pressman snorted. "It was their own damn fault."  
  
"You don't know that!"  
  
"Oh, I know what they did. They screwed around with something they had no business screwing around with in the first place."  
  
" _You_ ordered the experiment!"  
  
"Yes, but I certainly did _not_ order them to mutiny. If they had remained calm, nothing would have happened. And now come on, help me."  
  
Riker's anger almost took over. Here they were, standing between dozens of former crew members who had all died because of Erik Pressman's experiment - and all that fool could think of was this damn piece of equipment.  
  
"I won't help you."  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"I won't help you."  
  
"Without _me_ , you would be one of them!" Pressman was losing his already limited patience. "If you hadn't protected me so that we could get off the ship, you'd be in here as well - your dead body would be floating around, and you know what I would do? I would shove it out of my way!"  
  
Riker took a step forward in order to stop Pressman, which would be rather difficult considering the fact that both of them were wearing heavy environmental -  
  
" _Picard to away team. Two Cardassian warships have just entered this system. They will be here in about five minutes. We should get out of here before they start wondering what we are doing so far away from Federation space._ "  
  
"Acknowledged. We're finished here anyway," Pressman replied and pulled out the last wire. "You may beam us up - with one piece of equipment."  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
The general atmosphere on the bridge was frosty to say the least. The two men between whom Picard was sitting were looking at each other again, alright - but their looks were filled with nothing but resentment. Picard shivered inwardly, wishing for this mission to be over already. His wish would soon be granted - the **Enterprise** was on her way back to the nearest starbase where Pressman would be left behind with whatever it was that he was keeping with him in his quarters. Speaking of which...  
  
Picard cleared his throat. "Your piece of equipment, Admiral -"  
  
Pressman waved his hand. "I told you I cannot discuss what it is."  
  
"Yes, I know, but I would like to make sure that it is not harmful to the crew in any way," Picard said stubbornly - his ship _was_ forced to transport an unknown object but that did not mean that he could simply ignore possible security risks.  
  
"I assure you, Captain, it won't hurt anyone - if handled properly," Pressman said and glanced at Riker, a smug look on his face.  
  
The first officer stood up. "Alright, that's enough. I can't continue with this any longer. It is a disgrace to everyone who died aboard the **Pegasus**."  
  
Pressman stood up as well. "Don't do anything you will regret later, Will."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Shut up - as in close your mouth and stop talking!" Riker barked and looked at Picard. "Captain, Admiral Pressman is in direct violation of the Treaty of Algeron. The piece of equipment from the **Pegasus** is a prototype for a Federation cloaking device."  
  
The silence that suddenly dominated the bridge was louder than a thousand outcries.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"Jean-Luc? Open the door! I know you're in there!" Riker's voice came directly from outside the door. He had already knocked four times, and he would not leave any time soon.  
  
Picard sighed softly, tugged at his uniform shirt and looked out of the window again. He had expected Riker to come to him sooner or later - and yet he wished his lover had not done so.  
  
"Come," he said softly.  
  
The door opened and Riker stepped in. "Jean-Luc, I... I'm so sorry."  
  
Picard did not turn around.  
  
"I didn't want to keep all this from you, please, you have to believe me... Erik ordered me to... he threatened me... I had no choice, I -"  
  
"How long, Will?" Picard asked and had a hard time controlling the anger that suddenly welled up inside him. "How long would you have waited to tell me? You never told me about the mutiny aboard the **Pegasus** either. You never told me that people _died_ because _you_ protected Erik Pressman. I thought I knew you, Will Riker." He took a deep breath. "It seems I was mistaken."  
  
"Erik threatened me - he told me he'd make sure you never set foot onto a Starfleet vessel again if I said anything! I know how much your command means to you - I couldn't let this happen!"  
  
"If I hadn't inquired as to the possible harmfulness of the piece of equipment, you wouldn't have said anything! You would have allowed Pressman to go on his merry way with that cloaking device - and march straight into a war with the Romulans!"  
  
"No, I wouldn't! I did all this to protect you from him, Jean-Luc! He told me he has many powerful friends at Command! I had no reason not to believe what he said!"  
  
"I can protect myself quite well, as you could see. It is Erik Pressman who will face charges now, not me. It seems he doesn't have that many friends after all."  
  
"Jean-Luc -"  
  
Picard slowly turned around. "I trusted you, Will. For so many years."  
  
Riker was close to crying. "I know how hard it is for you to trust someone. But try to put yourself into my position. What would _you_ have done? I really thought Erik meant it. I knew it was wrong what he was planning to do. I told him quite a few times that -"  
  
"I think what we're facing here is a dilemma that I always knew we would have to face one day," Picard said. "It is all about how our personal lives interfere with our duties. It is something I was always afraid of. Your involvement with me made you vulnerable to Erik Pressman's threats."  
  
"It would have made me just as vulnerable if the two of us had simply been captain and first officer," Riker replied, desperately trying to avoid the direction into which their conversation was going.  
  
Picard sighed softly and turned away again. "I just don't know if I can still trust you, Will. What if that's not the only secret you were keeping from me? What if there's more?"  
  
"There _is_ no more." Riker walked up to Picard and looked out into space as well. "I was an idiot. I know I should have told you. I didn't do it - but only because I wanted to _protect_ you."  
  
"The same need you felt back then to protect Erik Pressman when his crew started to point out that the cloaking device experiment was dangerous."  
  
"Yes. I would have done anything to protect him."  
  
"You have made the same mistake twice."  
  
"It's not a mistake. It's love!"  
  
"Love isn't supposed to interfere with one's duty. You know that."  
  
"I can't help myself. It's the way I am. I want to protect you from harm. Which is, by the way, my duty as your first officer."  
  
"Now, please - don't try to turn my own argument against me."  
  
"I'm not doing anything like that. Hell, it was hard for me to keep quiet about all this! Do you know why Erik and I broke up? It was because he gave a damn about all these dead people who never stood a chance. He and I left the **Pegasus** before the experiment failed - and I don't think it was because the crew was incompetent or whatever - the ship simply drifted into that asteroid belt and re-materialized inside solid rock. I saw their dead bodies in my dreams for years. It is partly my fault that they died. And all because I felt the need to protect the man I loved. I... I couldn't let this happen again. That's why I spoke up. I could no longer bear the disrespectful way in which Erik talked about all the people who died. So I told the truth. And I will tell it again at the inquiry."  
  
Picard bit his lower lip. He knew how hard it must have been for Riker to let Pressman do what he had done, and he knew that Riker had only let him because he had wanted to protect Picard, but still, he couldn't just overlook the fact that his lover had severely damaged the bond between them - at least for the moment.  
  
"I need to be alone now, if you don't mind."  
  
Riker took a deep breath. "Is it over between us?"  
  
"No, of course not. I simply need time to come to terms with this. Please, Will... leave."  
  
Riker nodded sadly before he turned and left.  
  
Picard continued to look out into space.


	15. Chapter 15

Picard looked around and smiled when he saw the PADD that was stuck in the couch - his lover really _was_ the incarnation of chaos. He walked up to the couch, pulled the PADD out and put it on the table.  
  
Then he looked around once more.  
  
The little silver model ship of the **Enterprise-D** on his desk caught his attention - as always. He looked at it and sighed sadly when he was once again reminded of the fact that the actual ship was gone forever. The Cardassians were to blame - they had shown up with two of their best warships, intent on only one thing: Destroying the enemy. Picard had managed to destroy the attackers, but the **Enterprise** 's warp core had been damaged beyond repair in the process. He had had to order an emergency saucer separation and had then been forced to stand helplessly on his bridge and watch the explosion of the battle section.  
  
After the loss of half of the flagship, Starfleet had decided to finally formally declare war on the Cardassians - and had begun to take apart the saucer section of the **Enterprise** in order to use its components for other ships that were in need of upgrades and repairs.  
  
It had almost broken Picard's heart - but, in war, personal feelings were quite irrelevant.  
  
The whole conflict with the Cardassians had lasted for about two years. Picard had gotten a new command, and, much to his own surprise, it had been an **Enterprise** again. The **Enterprise-E** was much more of a battleship than her predecessor had been - and she had proved very useful against the Cardassians. The war had finally ended with the utter defeat of the Cardassian Empire, and now that there was once again peace in the Alpha Quadrant, the **Enterprise** was doing what she had originally been supposed to do: Seeking out new life and new civilizations.  
  
Picard looked at one of the old pictures on his shelf. It showed the entire senior staff of the **Enterprise-D** , taken shortly before Deanna and Worf had left the ship. Picard remembered how Worf had come to him and asked for a reassignment after the incident with the **Pegasus**. He could not blame the Klingon for taking such a rather harsh step. In Worf's eyes, Riker had acted more than just dishonorable by putting his personal feelings for Picard above his duty as a Starfleet officer. It had taken Picard quite a few weeks as well to come to terms with what Riker had done, but he - unlike Worf - had realized that Riker's position had really not been an easy one.  
  
And, what was even more important: Picard was almost certain that he would have done exactly the same thing.  
  
They had both needed time to get over it, of course, but they had managed. They had spent every free minute together during the war, had given each other strength, guidance and a shoulder to lean on - and they had eventually both realized that they needed each other now more than ever.  
  
When the war had been over, Picard had not hesitated to say yes when Riker had asked him if he wanted to marry him.  
  
 _'I need him. And he needs me. It's as simple as that.'_  
  
Picard looked at the black tuxedo that he had asked the **Enterprise** 's tailor to make for the celebration the next day. The official event with Starfleet brass and so on would take place as well soon, but the one that was scheduled for the next day would be attended only by Riker, him, Guinan, Geordi LaForge and three more people who meant very much to Picard.  
  
He hoped Riker would be pleased to see him wearing this, but then, knowing his fiancé, he would find him good-looking even if he was wearing an old potato sack.  
  
He chuckled and squeezed the bow-tie a bit.  
  
  


**********

  
  
  
"Uncle Jean-Luc!"  
  
"René! My God, you're almost as tall as I am!" Picard exclaimed and hugged his nephew.  
  
"Our doctor says he'll eventually be taller than any of us," Robert said.  
  
Picard smiled at him and was relieved to see that his brother was doing the same. Their relationship was still not exactly a warm one, but it had improved significantly ever since Picard had visited Robert at home in LaBarre and the two of them had had the chance to discuss a few old issues. René, on the other hand, adored his uncle. Picard had taken him to see Starfleet Academy about a year ago, which had only encouraged the boy to over and over again repeat his wish to become a Starfleet officer one day.  
  
"René, be careful - don't ruin your uncle's tuxedo," Marie scolded.  
  
"I'm careful, Maman! - Thanks for inviting us to your wedding, Uncle!"  
  
"You don't have to thank me," Picard replied. "You're my family, after all, and -"  
  
"Uncle Will!" René exclaimed, no longer listening.  
  
"René! Hey, it's great to see you!"  
  
Picard looked at his fiancé and could not help but smile again when he saw how Riker hugged the boy and then patted his shoulder.  
  
 _'He would make a wonderful father.'_  
  
Picard's eyes widened at his own thought. Adopting a child was a huge responsibility, and Riker and he weren't exactly model parents since both their jobs were rather time-consuming...  
  
"Why are you smiling?" Robert asked.  
  
"Oh, nothing. I'm just happy, that's all."  
  
"I've never seen you so happy before indeed," Marie chimed in. "I'm so thrilled that you two are getting married!"  
  
Picard gently touched her arm and was just about to say something else when Admiral J.P. Hanson stepped into the room.  
  
Picard looked at Riker.  
  
Riker looked back.  
  
The two men smiled at each other and nodded.  
  
It was time.


End file.
